The players were instructed to pick a shape between a circle, a star, a square and the worst of the four, an umbrella. Mentally, I prayed that Player 240 stayed far away from that shape. She was already standing too close to it before the rules were explained.
“Choose a shape and stand in front of it immediately.”
After the instructions were relayed, she took a few steps back and that is when I noticed she was one of the stragglers. No team, I mean. There were so many cliques that she and many of the others by themselves stood out. 

I paused long enough for her to select the line for squares. Like the others, she was instructed to accept a tin. Once in hand, she chose a spot beneath the clouds, against the red and green fence posts, her hair pressed against the bottom loops. It was probably a few seconds too long, but I had to be sure. 

“Take a moment to open the tin and view the contents.” We had been debriefed that today’s assignment was to wade through the sea of players, seeking out the ones who damaged their honeycomb in any way. Today we were not there for show. Today we were present to eliminate. I walked through the players, hoping that nobody’s shape would break beside me. I was sure that every triangle they chose had some type of military or police background, but that couldn’t be true if they chose me. I had only ever fired a gun on hunting trips with my dad before he stopped bonding with me and started bonding with the bottle. That was my only experience with firearms and even as I mimicked the other circles pulling the revolvers from their holsters, that fact didn’t change. The players were starting to open their tins. Gasps of disbelief were erupting from all four corners of the makeshift playground. The majority of the reactions were probably coming from the umbrellas. Had it been me, I would have been sobbing. Of course they hadn’t told them the importance of their choice. Why would they? 

I flitted my gaze to Player 240. With the square cradled within her fingers, if she was nervous, that was pushed to the side to make time to roll her eyes at Player 244, who was whispering over his tin. I didn’t know what was in his, but whatever it was either required prayer or this was just a part of his personality. Either way, her eyes did a full rotation around their sockets (Not once, not twice, but three times.) before turning her attention back to her own tin. She lifted the lid, revealing the shape that she had chosen. She sighed a triumphant little sigh then got to work with the needle.

POW! I bet he had an umbrella. I thought, watching Player 360's body slide down the slide. He left a long, bloody streak before stopping at the very end, dead. The game was only ten minutes long and as each second ticked by, the players were becoming more and more frantic. I noticed a square confronting a… What was a circle doing there? I knew I was supposed to be watching the players, but this was interesting. I decided to make my way to the other side before the square could tell that once again, I had stopped for a few moments too long. On the other side of the slide, Player 456 had taken to licking his honeycomb. Luckily, my smile was covered by a mask. Even in such a dire situation, I couldn’t help, but wonder if he gave his wife the same attention he was giving that umbrella. I already knew the answer was probably no because I’d heard the squares discussing a few of the players, waging bets on who was guaranteed to return to the games. As a gambling, deadbeat father, Player 456 had received the most votes. In second place was some guy who had embezzled a lot of money. Quite possibly more than I would see in my lifetime. When I finally looked away, Player 240 was gone.

Suddenly there was a scream. Player 219 was dragging a pink jumpsuit across the floor. The white square could be seen from where we were already getting in formation. This man had no idea what he was doing screaming about shooting that square. None of them cared. We were all expendable. Instead of opening fire on him, the back row pivoted to shoot the remaining players who hadn’t succeeded. Their time was up. On my side of the formation, Player 219 was demanding to know why some players had received easier shapes, as if he hadn’t chosen the umbrella. All of us were pointing at him now. There was no way he thought he was leaving that area alive. 

“Take off your mask!" He shouted, shoving the jumpsuit in front of him. When there was hesitation, he added: “Don’t make me shoot.” The square reached for his mask. The white lining was lifted in the air, revealing a face. I almost gasped. It was a boy! He couldn’t have been anymore than sixteen or seventeen. He’s just a boy! Squares were our leaders. They gave us our orders. Our orders were coming from a child. 

“Turn around okay.” Inch by meticulous inch, he turned until the face that we saw was now seen by Player 219. “You’re just a kid. What did they do to you?” Without awaiting the response, he lifted the gun from the child and pointed it at his temple. For the second time in my life, I was watching a bullet sail through somebody’s skull. 

I hadn’t seen him enter the room. The tall, mysterious blocky mask was almost in a jog as he crossed the playground. He pulled the trigger. The boy fell backwards, dead. “Remember… Once they find out who you are, you die.” He said, turning away. As quickly as he’d appeared, he was out the door once more, almost as if he was never there. I exhaled the breath that I’d been holding. Once again, I’d narrowly escaped having to shoot my gun. The circles entered the room, ushering in a few carts with black boxes. Each box was adorned with a gigantic pink ribbon. They stopped by the fallen players one by one and placed them in a box. 

“Dinner time.” A square said suddenly.  

Dinner?

The contents of my stomach churned in protest.

******   

By the time I was in high school, there was no more effort in trying to hide who I was. Though my dad was openly ignoring who I was, as long as it didn’t cost him the church, I was allowed to be the town fruit fly. Other than every Sunday when he would thank the Lord above for his family, I doubt my dad really cared about me. He would carry on conversations with people as if I were not in the room and by that, I mean if I tried to interject an opinion, he would immediately switch subjects. At first, I thought it was an oversight on his part, but it didn’t take long for me to figure out that when it came to my dad, my opinions had no place in his ears. Whenever I would try to catch him alone, he would throw money at me to get me to disappear.
Needless to say, I was probably the best dressed kid in Morris High School. I spent hours upon hours in the local thrift stores trying to stretch my dad’s hush money. All my clothes had to match right down to my shoes. Each pair of which I had painstakingly sequined to match my outfits. Ninth grade was when I made my first, real friend: Julian Graves. Oh man, it was like someone had taken extra time to outline the type of sexy Julian Graves would grow into, right down to his perfect, chiseled jawline. We were the only two guys in Home Ec. and I knew why I was there. Shit, everybody did. No one forced me. I really did want to learn how to sew. But Julian Graves… He was a man of mystery. Why would someone like him not want to be front and center in Shop so that the girls could giggle and comment on how good he was with his hands? According to something I’d heard Malcolm say to one of his buddies, that was the best reason for anyone to join Shop. Also, from listening in on Malcolm, who I failed to mention was a Junior, I learned that Julian was new to our area. Actually, that wasn’t too hard to learn on my own. He kind of stood out. Besides being Warhol painting beautiful, Julian Graves was one of few white students at our school.
At lunch, he would sit at the table to the far right. My brother used to say that only nerds would dare to sit so far away from the doors, but no way was he referring to Julian Graves. He made those ratty, outdated tables look positively refreshing. I assure you, no matter what I dared to drape across my figure, I did not have the same effect on the décor as Julian Graves. Which was a travesty in itself seeing as how I was also one of the kids fortunate enough to have a table all to himself during lunch. That is, until a rainy Autumn Monday in the middle of November when a wave of blonde hair and bottomless green eyes placed a tray in front of me. At first, I didn’t look up. I was used to Malcolm sending over his friends to antagonize me from time to time. Instead of the usual hateful jeer, I was treated to “What’re you writing?”
I looked up, startled at first. Outside of Piper or Malcolm’s minions, (I can't think of a single time that Malcolm himself had approached that table. Truth is, he did everything he could to distance himself from the label of “The Gay Kid’s Older Brother") people stopping at my table was a rarity. Sitting was damn near unheard of.
“Uh… Uh…”
“And here I thought you were one of the intelligent ones.” Julian joked. And then, it happened. He sat down right in front of his tray. “Is this seat taken?”
Marry me. "Um..." Mentally, I kicked myself. Come on brain, give me this one. “Asking to sit when you’re already sitting defeats the purpose.” He smiled. I nearly melted through the chair. “I’m-”
“Snowden, right?” He shoved his long, slender fingers in my direction.
I shook his hand, careful to keep my squealing safely tucked away in my thoughts. Julian Graves knew my name! “Right.” I said instead.
He skinned his piece of fried chicken breast and started to chew. He swallowed carefully then tried again: “What are you writing?” He nodded at my notebook.
“My suicide note.” I replied wryly.
“I seriously doubt that.” He tilted his head slightly to the right. A habit that had not gone unnoticed by me in class.
“Notes?” I have no idea why I was trying to scare him off, but it didn’t matter because it wasn’t working.
His smile brightened, if possible. Or maybe I was memorizing the way his lip curled slightly on the left whenever he would smirk at me. In my mind though, his entire being was racked with a supernatural glow, which was graciously beaming down on my undeserving scalp. “I can’t imagine a person who puts as much time into dressing themselves as I can tell you do killing themselves.” He drew the word “killing” out as if he were speaking each letter individually.
“I’m a writer.” I admitted, awaiting the ridicule I’d become accustomed to.
“Oh really?” He said skeptically.
“Yeah, why?” I demanded.
I knew it was too good to be true. Malcolm probably put him up to it because he’s the one person I wouldn’t immediately suspect. Tears stung my eyes. I snatched my notebook from the table and retreated to the first available door in the hallway: The boy’s bathroom. The door slammed as I dropped rather unceremoniously on the toilet. Tears spilled from my eyes though I was fighting them with everything I had. This was a different kind of pain. As sure as I was that Malcolm despised the very ground I walked on, I didn’t think he would hurt me like this. As silly as it sounded, all I wanted was a friend. Any ol’ friend would do.
I listened to the bathroom door's old age groaning in protest under the pressure of someone pulling it open. I could see the pair of black tennis shoes beneath the frame. Three sharp whacks on the door caused my tears to dry faster than a raindrop in the Sahara.
“Occupied.” I snapped, wiping furiously at the few strays hopping from my eyelids.
“I am aware.”
Shit. Even in a poorly decorated boy’s bathroom, Julian sounded like sex on a stick. Two sticks. Legs. I sighed a long, defeated sigh. “I know Malcolm put you up to this.”
“Who is Malcolm?”
Through a tiny crack, I could see him standing there staring at the door. He reached out to knock on the door again.
“I heard you the first time.” I grumbled, hugging my notebook to my chest.
“You forgot your bookbag.” He held up the bag that I’d carefully sequined a large “G” on the front flap to the stall. “What’s the G stand for?”
Gay. I thought, recalling the years of mockery despite wearing who I was as a badge of honor. “You can slide it under the door.” I replied, sidestepping the inquiry.
“You can come out.” He countered.
“What do you want?!” I wailed. Gah, I wanted to flush myself down the toilet so bad.
“You to come out.” He said. I watched him sit my bag on the floor against the wall. He crouched down on the floor. Stunned beyond words, I watched as Julian Graves lowered his belly to the floor in order to crawl the few centimeters it took for him stick his head beneath the door. He turned at a weird angle so that he could face me. “Unless you want me to come in.”
“I’m coming out! I swear!” No matter how much I fantasized about being in close quarters with Julian, the idea of actually doing it was too far above my pay grade.
He disappeared, and I unlocked the door. Before I could completely open it, he dangled my bookbag in front of himself. I stepped out and reached for it. He backed up. One step. Two step. Three more steps until his back was against the door, blocking my freedom.
“Like I said, you forgot your bag.”
I wanted so badly to slither back into the stall where Julian Graves and his perfect hippie golden locks couldn’t see me. “You’re kidding, right?”
“I’ll give you your bag if you answer my question.” He gave me a quick once over, pausing on my bedazzled shoes. I pretended not to notice. Everyone always noticed my style of shoes if they didn’t notice anything else about me. These were a pair of old penny loafers that I’d sequined tiny shapes on but again, I’m getting off topic.
“Why can’t you just give me my bag?” Is what my face started to say. I had the smooth, masculine edge to my voice too, but for some reason, it came out as: “Okay.” I have no idea what happened.
He held the bookbag out at me. Slowly, he started to sway it from side to side. “So, Snow…”
“Snowden.” I corrected.
“Why not Snow for short?” He shrugged, still swaying my bag. “You’re a classic. Be a classic.”
I stood before him, Julian beautiful god-like (Don’t tell my dad I just said that) creature Graves as myself, Snowden who sits alone by himself because he’s an outcast Mackery and the longer he was swaying my bookbag, the more I wanted to just let him keep it and run.
“Why do you eat lunch by yourself every day?”
I watched as my bag continued to swing on his finger. I reached for it. This time he didn’t move.
“Nobody likes me.” I replied, placing the bag on the floor so that I could tuck my notebook away.
He looked on, probably wondering why he wasted his perfectly good lunch chasing down a loser with a shoe fetish.
“I find it hard to believe nobody likes you.” He said after I had slung my bag over my shoulder. “As long as you like yourself, there isn’t much room for background noise anyway.” He shrugged. “Never let the background noise of the world become your permanent soundtrack.”
“You asked why I eat alone. You didn’t ask if I let it effect me.” I snapped.
“True.” Julian Graves nodded his Julian Graves’ nod then he opened the bathroom door. “Shall we?”
We? I almost fainted.
From that day forward, even in Home Ec., Julian and I were inseparable. My days started with him and no matter what occurred in the middle, they also ended with him. I went from the gay kid to the gay kid who hung out with Julian Graves virtually overnight. All of a sudden, people who were openly shunning me only days before were walking up to me in the hallways gushing about how great Julian was and how awesome I had to feel to be blessed with his presence. Okay, there’s a chance it wasn’t worded exactly that way, but the fact that becoming friends with Julian brought me a sense of celebrity was baffling to me.
One day, on our walk home, Malcolm came up behind me and hissed: “It’s because he’s white, ya know?” He nudged me with his shoulder, hard. “Do you really think a guy like that wants to hang with the gay scene? You’re both outcasts.”
“That’s not true!” Is what I said, but secretly, I’d voiced those same concerns in my diary.
“Oh, it isn’t? What pure bred American in their right mind wants to be your friend, Snowden?”
I choked back the angry tears that were threatening to make an appearance. “It’s Snow!”
“Leave him alone!” Piper shouted at him, but it was too late. The damage had already been done.
“He’s using you.” Malcolm laughed in my face. “What’re you going to do? Cry?”
The next day in Home Ec., I stomped past Julian to sit in the back of the class, alone. Every thirty minutes or so, he would glance back at me, only for me to exaggerate an interest in improving my cross stitch. After class, before he could stand up, I was out the door and up the hallway, fully prepared to return to my life as a pariah at lunch. I was almost inside the double doors when a hand reached out and grabbed my bookbag. I whirled around, fully prepared to kick Malcolm in his balls.
“What’s up with you?”
Julian Graves was my first life lesson in not believing everything on face value. After I explained what had happened on the way home, he grabbed my hand (!!!) and all but dragged me over to where Malcolm and his goonies held court. Malcolm, whom had always been quick, was on his feet and balling his fists before Julian approached them. Julian didn’t even speak. He swung his left fist. It connected with the right side of my brother’s head. Malcolm stumbled, but didn’t lose his footing. He swung. Julian caught his wrist and pulled. Malcolm tripped over his shoes and landed, face first, on the cafeteria floor.
He turned to me and put his hand out. My eyes shifted from Malcolm glaring at me from the floor to Julian. I could help my older brother off the floor, or I could admit that my brother wasn’t worth the time it took our parents to make him. It was my choice and mine alone to make. No longer willing to wait, Julian took my hand in his and led me to our table underneath the window. I took my seat across from him as life slowly breathed its way through the cafeteria once more.
“We don’t have any food.” I said finally, breaking the tension.
“Let’s get some.”
He made a move to stand up. I reached out to stop him. “It’s fine. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
He wasn’t looking at me. I didn’t have to be a brain surgeon to know who he was glaring at and I wasn’t about to add fuel to the fire. Julian Graves had flung my brother on the floor and the whole school would know about it by the end of the day. Malcolm wasn’t about to let that slide. “If you’re hungry, we're eating.” Julian said firmly.
I opened my mouth to voice a few concerns when someone came up beside me. I had seen her around school many times, but Jasmine Waters and I didn’t have any of the same classes. She sat down beside me as if she’d been doing it her entire high school career. Julian broke the death stare that he and Malcolm were holding to wonder if she were lost.
“Are you lost?” He said it just like that. No pauses. Gone was “Kumbaya my lord” Julian Graves.
“No, I'm Jasmine. Lost kind of sounds like the name you give a kid you want to fail in life.” She replied curtly. “Is this seat taken?”
“No.” I said quickly.
Julian’s shoulders relaxed slightly. He applied his focus to our guest. “You don't strike me as a failure.”
"Far from it." She took a bite out of her school lunch supplied burger. My stomach rumbled at the sound of the lettuce snapping between her teeth. She nodded at Julian after swallowing. “We have first period together, remember?”
He tilted his head slightly to the right. “You sit like, two rows up, right?”
She nodded again.
From that day on, it was Julian, Jasmine and I. We were our own version of The Three Musketeers. We weren’t allowed to hang out at my house for obvious reasons, but my mom encouraged me to hang out. Honestly, I think she was secretly relieved that I wasn’t destined to die alone in a cave. For the most part, we lounged around Jasmine’s house. Her mom worked nights, so we pretty much had the run of the place.
“Where’s your dad?” I had asked the first time we were invited.
She had sighed as if it were a question she’d been answering longer than desired. “My mom left him when I was like, five.” She twisted the key in the lock to push open the door. “I don’t remember him and I’m not about to ask my mom if she keeps polaroids of the dude who used to put his hands on her.”
Julian shot me “a look” but there was no way I could unask such a question. Once it’s out there, it’s pretty much out there. “Dads aren’t so great.” I’d said, shrugging.
“Oh, I know. We drive thirteen miles every Sunday just so that we don’t have to go to your dad’s church.”
I had laughed until I saw the photos on the living room mantle. Jasmine’s mom was the one and only Ms. Dandelion. I had seen her around town so many times. Always alone. I wondered did the congregation know that the woman who kept their tongues wagging was a single mom. Now that I’m older… Wiser… I know not only did they know, I understand that they had to of known about Jasmine every time they sat in front of a plate of my mom’s cookies to gossip about Ms. Dandelion. My mom, as the pastor’s wife, had to of known too. That’s what unsettled me the most.
On this particularly bright, snowy Wednesday afternoon, we were curled up on Jasmine’s bed like alley cats doing what was quickly becoming our favorite pastime: Gossiping about our classmates.
“Did you hear about Mason and Abby?” I asked. My head was nestled against Julian’s shoe. We were in tenth grade now and hanging out in the afternoons was expected, neither of my parents bothered to question it now.
Jasmine made a circular gesture over her stomach. “I heard her parents are sending her to live with her mom’s family in Vermont. Nobody is supposed to know why.”
“Sounds like a poorly kept secret if both of you know.” Julian chuckled.
“What secret?” I shrugged. “Mason keeps blabbing to every ear that’ll have him. I heard it from Kevin, who heard it from Evette, who heard it from some guy on the football team. There’s no telling who all knows.”
A pregnancy in high school wasn’t handled the way it is now. You didn’t get to waddle to all your classes. Whether you kept the baby or not, all of it was handled in private. We either saw you after it was over, or we never saw you ever again. In a deeply religious community, having me showing my face was blasphemous enough. I could be covered up; blatantly lied about even. Having Abby Hendrix’s baby bump on display was an entirely different dragon.
“That’s not all I heard.” I said. “I heard that this Wednesday at prayer meeting, it’s going to be posed for Mason to go to Military school.”
“Why?”
I looked up at Julian. “Supposedly, this sin can’t just be prayed away. He’s getting the out of sight, out of mind treatment.”
“That’s bullshit.”
“Your mom and her hens stay clucking.” Jasmine laughed humorlessly. “I seriously doubt some school will stop Mason’s dick from getting hard.”
“Especially with all those men in uniform.” I added, pretending to swoon.
“Now see, this is why we can’t have nice things!” She chuckled, shaking her head. I could hear an air of humor this time but only for a second. "Okay, Snow… If you could kill anyone at our school knowing you would get away with it; no evidence, no witnesses, not a single day behind bars, who would you kill?" We were always playing games like these. "Who would you have sex with?" "Who would you marry? "Who would you appoint President?" "And why...?" You can't forget the "And why...?" because the question was just the spark. The "why" was the flame. Who would I kill? Malcolm was the first name that manifested at the edge of my thoughts, but no. That wasn't who I was. I wasn't the person to joke about death... Even in our game. Even with my friends.
"Nobody."
I could tell Jasmine didn't believe me. "Nobody?!" She wasn't exactly trying to hide it.
"Nope." I said, shaking my head. "I am not about to get my clothes all bloody. You've seen the news. People fight and a fighter I am not. Screw all that. I know how to kill without even lifting a finger. No blood, no body... All gore."
Julian shifted. I followed so that my head was now propped up by his ankles. "You can't kill people without touching them unless you put a hit out on them and that's going to take money."
I poked him in the leg with my index finger. "So, you wouldn't kill for me, Julian?"
He winked down at me.
"Wait..." Jasmine interjected, "I wanna hear this. How do you kill someone without touching them?"
"Allow them to fall in love with you. Dangle the prospect of a beautiful, fairy tale life right in front of their nose like a carrot and just when they reach out for a taste, snatch it away. Move on but be mindful about keeping them in your life. Tell them you just want to be friends and own that shit. You're going to need them front row center to watch the existence you create unfold like an origami swan, fluttering to the ground in a silent pirouette before their eyes. That way, each day, a tiny piece of their soul, who they are... Their very being will fade away and die out; obsessing over what could have been."
I could almost see the words marching through Jasmine’s mind. Finally, she whistled. "Who knew beneath all that glitter was a mind so dark and twisty?"
"I did." Julian said, winking down at me again. "Snow's going to be a famous writer someday and all of us will be looking back saying we knew him when. Isn't that right, Snow?
"Well..." I thought about the prospect. "Maybe." I sat up. "But never too famous to forget about you guys."
"I know!” Jasmine clapped her hands. “You should work at a newspaper. I would love to start my day with grits, eggs, and style."
I laughed. So did Julian. Our eyes met and for a fraction of a second, Jasmine's presence went completely forgotten. He held my gaze for longer than necessary before her voice ripped through my thoughts: "Get a room, you two!"
Both of us snapped to attention.
Julian cleared his throat nervously. "Bathroom break." I sat up so that he could shuffle off the end of the bed. His feet were barely out of the room when Jasmine pounced: "What was that all about?"
Maybe I should have gone to the bathroom too. Aloud: "Nothing."
"I don't get it. Everybody already thinks you guys are the gayest of unicorns and Julian never argues against it so why not?"
Why not? I thought, sighing. It wasn't as if my morning didn't start with thoughts of Julian and end the exact same way. Julian's perfect jawline positioned just so, beneath his memorizing, piercing green eyes. Not that I'd noticed, of course.
"It's not some crap that Malcolm said, is it?"
I averted my eyes, embarrassed.
"What did he do this time?"
I continued to stare at the ripple in her sheets where Julian's head used to be.
Jasmine cleared her throat. "Hello? Earth to Snow?" She tugged at my arm. "Was it that bad?"
I inhaled a deep breath. "He told me if I so much as breathe on another guy, I'm going to catch AIDS." It came out in one gush, so it probably didn't sound nearly as eloquent as how I’m saying it now.
"Huh?" Judging by the look on her face when I looked up, this assessment was correct.
"AIDS. Malcolm said I'm going to catch it."
"Oh. Is that all?" She smirked. "What did you say to him?"
"I told him sometimes I use his toothbrush when I'm feeling a little sick... Then I coughed super dramatically and slammed my door in his face."
Jasmine's expression contorted as she did her best to not burst out laughing. She folded her face back into a neutral position before speaking: "Malcolm's an uneducated jerk, you do realize that, right? Please tell me you know that, Snow."
"I want to know that so bad." I whispered fiercely.
"Do you know why out of every community, ours was the one hit hardest by HIV and AIDS?"
I shook my head. No, I didn't know, but I certainly wanted to understand.
"Lack of education. Fear. Bigotry." She paused. "Need I go on?" I didn't move. "You see, in our community, nothing is more damming than a gay child. It is seen as a symbol of failure. I'm sure you know that." I nodded. I knew a little too well. "African Americans were throwing their gay children out into the streets by the thousands and those were the lucky ones. Some were killed by families that they thought loved and wanted to protect them. Can you really blame them for walking into a closet and nailing the door closed? You knew the risks. If you didn't want the same fate, you kept up the charade. They were on the down low, so to speak." I had no idea what a "down low" was. I did, however, get the sense that it was a lonely existence. "To this very day, people will huddle, freezing their toes off, in front of some prison gates chanting 'Free whoever the hell' even if he committed armed robbery and shot two people on the way out the door before they'll stand for the little gay black kid who didn't do a thing to anyone. I wish I was lying but you have no idea how hurtful it is to know that in our community, it is more acceptable to support a dude who pumps drugs into the veins of our own rather than support someone whose life does not directly affect your own. I mean, the black man is supposed to be a strong, kingly figure so a gay man is not accepted with open arms but a man who abandoned his own kids because he couldn’t handle the responsibility is more times than not welcomed with open arms to the dinner table. The one who you know beats his wife or girlfriend? Again, more times than not, accepted. Have a seat. Pass the gravy. His gay brother, uncle, cousin or whatever the fuck? Again, more times than not, thrown away like trash. Treated as if they were never born. It's amazing what is accepted in our community versus what is condemned." Angrily, she wiped a few loose tears as they tried to escape. "You think I don't know what people say about my mom?" Whether in passing conversation or sitting in my mother's kitchen, everybody knew of Ms. Dandelion. "My dad used to beat her. Does anybody ever mention that?" No. "A day didn't go by where she would somehow earn herself a bruise by his fist. He only had to hit me once for her to leave. Years and years of abuse she endured and yet, he barely tapped me, and she packed me up and bailed. I bet he’s accepted at every table amongst his family but you..." She placed her hand on my leg. "Even in my own home, with a mother as strong as mine; the same woman whose own family wants nothing to do with us because in their eyes, she gave up on her family. Not she protected herself. Not she protected me. They blamed her and turned their backs... Even with a woman who knows exactly what it's like to be shunned, I have to lie. I have to keep who you are a secret. That's why HIV and AIDS spread through our community like it did, Snow. We would rather accept the worst from our own than call to order an epidemic that's wiping us off the planet one by one. AIDS doesn't see sexual orientation. Our ignorance does."
"Couldn't have said it better myself." We both jumped at the sound of Julian's voice.
"Sad part is, my dad would probably be more welcome with my mom's family than she is." Jasmine said, shaking her head.
"How long have you been standing there?" I said, adjusting so that he could get back on the bed.
He didn’t move. “Enough to know it’s time to ask a very important question.” He replied, leaning against the open door.
“What’s that?” Jasmine and I asked at the same time. She laughed at the accident whilst still dabbing the tears from her eyes.
“Would you like to be my boyfriend?”
“Huh?” And that, dear reader, is how I died. With the goofiest, happiest, most stunned lop-sided smile on my face. Is what I wish were true. Honestly, at fifteen, had my life ended the second that question fell from his lips, my life would have been short, but do you know what else it would have been? Worth it.
“You heard me.”
“I did.” I said slowly. “I’m just making sure you heard yourself.”
“I want you to be my boyfriend.”
I have no idea why. The way he said ‘boyfriend” turned my brain to mush. I had so many things I wanted to say. Starting from when he was my only friend and anywhere else my mind would take me, but anything I could scrape together felt as if it wasn’t enough. Julian deserved so much more than just words. “Okay.” Is all I could manage.
“Okay?” Julian tilted his head the same way he always had only this time, this tilt carried the weight of the world and all my emotions along with it. I wanted to scream.
“Okay.” I repeated, nodding.
Jasmine screamed. She dove on top of me and hugged me tightly.
“I… can’t… breathe…” I wheezed.
She jumped off the bed to hug Julian. “I’m sorry. I’m just so…”
I laid there for almost a solid minute. I never wanted this memory to be any less clear than it was in that moment. Julian reached out so that I could be included in their embrace. I had no idea what we were all so emotional about. People started relationships all over the world, every day. Up against my “Okay”, there were probably thousands of people replying to the same question all over the world and probably with more eloquently versed responses. Not my fault. Out of every scenario I imagined with Julian (Get your mind out of the gutter!), not once had I imagined this. I mean, I was me. Up until the day he sat down in front of me, no one wanted anything to do with me and now there we were, our own little trio. How my heart craved our bubble being infused with its own super powers to withstand anything, but as with any bubble, it could pop; and pop ours did.
The next year, Ms. Dandelion’s name was all over the church. I mean, one could argue that it was always all over the church, but this was different. This time it travelled all the way to Julian’s neck of the woods. Usually Jasmine and I would school him on the ins and outs of our community, but this time there was no need. He already knew and to make matters worse, it unfolded in my backyard.
Without all the gory details, a couple months into the year, it was my dad’s shiny leather, preacher shoes seen leaving Ms. Dandelion’s back gate. At first, there were only murmurs but that’s the thing about a rumor: The juicier it is, the more life gets breathed through it. By the end of May, right before school let out, every lip was telling their own version of events. Oddly enough, the only people silent on the matter were Ms. Dandelion and my dad. My dad wouldn’t even discuss it with our mom. Dinner became a tense affair. It felt like every breath and every word were measured and analyzed. Malcolm did most of the talking. Piper would try but she couldn’t carry a conversation quite like our older brother. As for me, I was always too busy watching our parents. Conversation was one thing, but only a moron couldn’t tell that the real show was in their facial expressions. They were practically screaming at one another without uttering a peep. It was remarkable really.
I couldn’t talk to my siblings about the situation so as usual, I found myself sitting amongst Jasmine and Julian.
“What did your mom say?” Julian asked.
“She said he came over to see if she would consider rejoining the church.” Jasmine said, doing everything not to meet my eyes.
“Wait, did something happen?” I whispered.
She didn’t answer. She didn’t have to.
I wanted more than anything to comfort her. It’s not like I didn’t know my dad was a hypocrite. Preaching against adultery on Sunday, only to be committing it by Wednesday. There had been whispers around town about my dad for years. This time was different though. This time he’d actually been seen. A rumor with no legs is just that: A rumor. A rumor with witnesses is an entirely different narrative. My mom had always taught me that the hardest thing to separate someone from was their truth.
“Our preacher’s sermon this week was about the power a woman has over man. How a woman can convince even the godliest of men to betray his robes, all she needs is to whisper in his ear.” Jasmine’s head snapped to attention at Julian’s words. “He said that a woman’s design is to entice the senses and weaken the mind. He started talking about how Eve convinced Adam that just a tiny bite from that bright, juicy, red apple would be of no consequence to them… That the smooth, silkiness of a woman’s voice is a dangerous weapon. The body is the root of temptation but the tongue… blah, blah, blah.” He smirked.
“All I heard was it’s being spun that my mom is a succubus.” She pointed at me with her pinky. “And your dad is some poor, unfortunate wilted flower in all this.”
“That’s the way the religion works in this town.” I shrugged. “My dad hasn’t so much as breathed in my mom’s direction since all this started. I guess she was fine when it was just rumors.”
“We’re moving.” Jasmine blurted.
I’ve seen the word “gasp” several times in written works, but this was the first time I’d seen the act in action. I clapped my hands over my mouth.
“What? Why?” Julian grabbed Jasmine’s arm.
A tear dropped on his hand. “My mom said it’s best we move on.” She sniffed. “She didn’t even ask what I thought. Just: ‘Jasmine, we’re moving.”
We huddled around Jasmine as we always had, whether the news be good or bad.
The next day, Jasmine was gone. If I couldn’t recount so many memories of her, it would have been as if she never existed. After school, there was no sanctuary to gossip in. For the first time in almost three years, I was walking home with Malcolm and Piper. He had already graduated, but until he went off to college, my mom insisted Malcolm walk Piper home since I had plans. For some reason, it'd slipped my mind that he would be there. We were barely out of the school parking lot when Malcolm turned on me: “I wonder if your friend was just as easy as her mom.” He thought it over. “If she was, she couldn’t have been any good ‘cause you still look gay to me.”
Before I could consider repercussions, my fist was already connecting with Malcolm’s cheek. He tried to punch me back, but I dove on top of him and kept swinging. Each swing was for something different. Every hateful name. Every snide comment. Every chance he had to be my brother. Every time he chose not to. He tried to fight me off, but to avail. Make no mistakes, I knew it wasn’t because I was stronger than him but right then, none of that mattered. I just kept swinging until Piper started to drag me off him. As she was pulling, I managed a swift kick to the back of his left leg. I didn’t realize I was sobbing until I felt a new, significantly stronger, set of arms gather me up.
“Let me go!” I shouted, fighting against the grip.
“Snow! Stop! Stop! It’s me!”
All the fight left my body instantly. “J-Julian?” What on Earth was he doing there?
“I was going to walk you home, but one of Piper’s friends said you guys were already heading home.”
“So you followed us?” Malcolm spat blood in the dirt. I could almost imagine what our mom was going to say about his busted lip. “What kind of sense does that make?”
“Hey man, I just saved your life.” I could hear the laughter in his voice. “Don’t I at least get a thank you?”
Malcolm’s right eye was already beginning to darken. “He got a few lucky hits.”
“Lucky? So that’s what they’re calling an ass whooping these days.” He didn’t release me though. “Start walking, dude.”
Malcolm’s eyes zeroed in on Julian clutching me. “Faggots.” He spat in the dirt again.
Julian shrugged. “I could let him go, you know.”
Malcolm’s gaze left me. I could tell he and Julian were staring one another down. Finally, he gave one last spit before turning on his heel. “Let’s go, Piper.”
I glanced at my sister. Always the yin to Malcolm’s yang, she gave me one last look before following him. Julian waited until Malcolm was far away enough to loosen his grip.
“Wow. I didn’t know you had it in you.” He was doing everything not to laugh, but I could tell not only was he shocked, he was genuinely impressed.
“He said something about Jasmine.” Was all I said.
“Malcolm’s full of shit.” Julian said. “And after all that, he’s probably full of dirt too.”
“Ah ha. Ah ha.”
“Here I thought I was going to surprise you.” He dragged me to my feet and helped dust off my clothes.
I spit on my fingers so that I could wipe some of the dust away from my shoes. It had taken me all night to glue the little purple glitter flowers to them and now they were in desperate need of attention. “My shoes!” I wailed.
“Come on, I’ll walk with you to Tabbies.”
Tabbies was positioned in the middle of town and it had everything; right down to the glitter I needed to fix my shoes. Mostly, people went there when they couldn’t afford the mall. Which meant the majority of our town frequented the establishment. The double doors swished open with our arrival. You had a choice when you entered Tabbies: Turn left and you were flourishing your grocery list, possibly designing a menu for a Sunday feast. Everyone knew after church you gathered together for Sunday dinner. It was an unwritten rule passed through every family from generation to generation. Turn to the right and it was a smorgasbord for even the pickiest of shoppers. It didn’t matter what it was, it was sold in Tabbies. As a matter of fact, the glitter I was searching for was four aisles up from the guns.
“What shade of purple are you looking for?” Julian asked.
I froze. Out the corner of my eye, I could see Miss Calvin. I could tell by her humming that she had yet to notice that we were on the same aisle. The more time I spent with Jasmine and Julian, the less I saw of her narrow face. Our run ins had been reduced to church on Sunday. Did I mind? Of course not.
Julian waved his hand in front of my face. I blinked back to reality. “Miss Calvin is on this aisle.” I hissed at him.
“So, um… Am I supposed to know who that is?”
Still humming what I now recognized as page forty-seven in our church’s hymnal, clearly distracted by the list in between her fingers, she was only a few feet away now. I had two choices: Grab Julian and bolt without my glitter or confront the interaction head on. I grabbed Julian’s arm to flee. The second my fingers grazed his bare arm, I swear the powers that be saw fit for her to see me and of course, she was quick to note where my hand was. A smooth, conniving smile twisted across her lips.
“Oh, is that you, Snowden?”
“Of course, it’s me. You see me every week at church.” Is what I wanted to say, but I knew Malcolm was probably already filling our mom’s head with his version of events from earlier. I wasn’t about to add my disrespect of one of the deaconesses to the list. I settled for a deflated sounding “Yes ma’am.” Instead.
“Who’s your friend?” She said the word “friend” with the same disgusted tone I’d heard from her mouth before.
“Julian Graves.” I was so glad his vocal cords still worked. Meanwhile, I was busy wishing the floor would swallow me. He extended his hand. For the tiniest of moments, I thought she would ignore the gesture, but her fleeting Christianity wouldn’t allow her to be openly rude.
“Oh,” It had always annoyed me when she would start her sentences with “oh”. Today was no different. “How do you know our Snowden?”
Our? I rolled the word both backwards and forwards in my mind. This lady couldn’t stand me last I checked.
“We go to school together.” And there was Julian chatting away like he wasn’t carrying on a conversation with The Wicked Witch of The South.
“School? But…” She cleared her throat to allow the rest of her sentence to die out. She wanted to ask in what world would Lydia Mackery see fit for her bouncing baby boy to be seen with a gorgeous piece of man meat in public. Okay, so there’s a chance I exaggerated her thoughts for my own entertainment, but I’m the one telling this story so never you mind.
“But… What ma’am?” Julian, being Julian, knew exactly what she meant. He just wanted to see if she would dare say it.
“Nothing.” She replied quickly. “I just realized I’m on the wrong aisle.” She held up the momentarily forgotten list in her hand. She stepped away from us then moved to pass. She was nearly seven inches away when she turned and looked dead at me. “Oh, Snowden, be a dear and tell your mom I said hello.” Is what she said. “Tell your mom I’m going to ask her point blank did she forget the town’s already talking about where her husband’s dick vacations. Does she really want them talking about you parading your lifestyle down the arts and crafts aisle too?” Is what I heard. I don’t know. Going by the way she said it, I wouldn’t be surprised if she was on the porch when I got home so we could walk in together.
I grabbed the purple glitter with my now shaking hands.
Julian put his hand over mine. “She goes to church with you, I’m guessing.” He squeezed it for a few seconds.
“She also visits my mom’s house to gossip about everybody over cookies.” I said, nodding.
“And here I thought all our gossip sessions were unique.”
“They were. None of us ever baked cookies.”
When I got home, Miss Calvin wasn’t on the porch, but my mom was. I sat down beside her, still clutching the purple glitter.
For what could almost be measured by an eternity, we sat together on the porch, silent.
Finally, my mom's voice pierced the edge of our peace: “Malcolm said he got jumped by some guys after school.” She spoke in a quiet, worn down tone.
“I- ” What could I say to that?
“Piper told me it was you.” She said in the same tone. “She told me that he said some hateful things and you stood up for yourself. Is that true, Snowden?”
Now, as a professional, up and coming member of the human race, one thing I knew as sure as the color of my skin was that if a mom asks you “Is that true?” more times than not, she already knows the answer. She’s only testing to see what kind of a person she has raised. Tell the truth and whatever punishment she has concocted won’t be so bad. Lie and you cause the type of pain she’ll never show you. You’ll never know it’s there because she’ll never say but deep down, a part of her will feel as if she failed you as a mother. So as I sat there with the sun setting in the distance, I ran the pros and cons of both outcomes and then I asked myself: Am I still the “good boy” my mother raised?
“Yes ma’am.” I said finally.
She sighed. “Good for you, son.” She stood up, reached down and patted the top of my head like she used to when I made it through a day of school without complaining.
“Miss Calvin told me to tell you she said hello.” I said as she was opening the screen door. “I saw her in Tabbies.”
“I know. I just got off the phone with her.” Was all she said as the door slammed behind her.
For a long time, until the sun had completely disappeared for the evening, I sat on the porch in silence, wondering what kind of strength it took for a woman like my mom to soldier on.
The following year, on an unusually cool, summer afternoon, before the start of my senior year, my mom drew her last breath.
My whole world came crashing down in a matter of moments. Only a few days before, she’d been in Tabbies helping me color swatch fabrics. I wanted to make an outfit for school. I’d spent the whole summer perfecting my sewing and there was no way I was going to waste my new-found talent. It was going to be a black smoker’s jacket with bright, red trim. I’d already sequined a pair of Piper’s old Mary Janes for the occasion.
Instead of sitting in front of my sewing machine, I was sitting in the back pew of our church, listening to our dad make funeral arrangements. None of which, the Lydia Mackery I knew would approve of. Did my dad even know his wife? When I tried to interject, he swatted me away, so I left. My retreat found me back at home. The phone was ringing off the hook. It hadn’t stopped since the news had made the rounds. My dad wasn’t exactly an unappealing man so most of the calls were probably trying to take my mom’s place before the dirt was tossed on the coffin. You know, just in case there was a slim chance she could rise from the dead and reclaim the throne at my dad’s side.
Tap. Tap. Tap. Every couple seconds, I could hear the sound. Tap. Tap. Tap. I looked all over my room, including beneath my bed. Nothing. Tap. Tap. Tap. It was driving me nuts. I flung open the curtains only to be greeted with Julian’s smiling face. I opened the window. “What are you doing here?!”
He dragged me into a hug. “Are you alright? I was going to come yesterday but when I got here, your yard was covered in cars.”
I smirked. “You saw all those mourners.” I did air quotes around the word “mourners.” “Are you hungry? Just about everybody brought a dish.”
“Remember how Jasmine used to say white people made the best funeral food?” Julian said.
“White people make the best funeral food. You can taste all the tears, sorrow, and regret that went into each dish. It's therapeutic honestly.” I remembered, nodding. I shrugged. “We still reign supreme over Sunday dinner though.” How I wished I could call her. I missed Jasmine so much. Julian reached for me. Though I knew I would be joining my mom in the ground were my dad to walk in on us, I clung to Julian’s shirt. He tilted my face towards his. I allowed his kiss to wash over me. Desperately, I yanked at his shirt. He didn’t hesitate to tug it over his head. I pushed Julian back on my bed and attacked every naked inch of him.
I sat up suddenly. “I love you, Julian.” He needed to know. I needed him to know.
The sound of my voice pulled his attention back to my face. His silence was unnerving to say the least. He reached up to place his hand against my chest. “I love you, too.” Our lips met once more. In hindsight, I would say I wished my super powers were more useful. Had they been, I probably would have heard the car pull up. I would have heard my dad come into the house. Most importantly, I would have known he was standing in the doorway as I was undoing Julian’s belt.
The sound of my name was enough to freeze the blood in my veins. What happened next is all a blur. I remember my dad screaming at us. I remember Julian jumping to defend me. I remember my dad threatening to tell his family about us. What I will always remember no matter how old I get is that Julian didn’t back down.
“We love each other!” He spat in my dad’s face.
My dad seized one of Julian's arms. I dove from the bed to protect him. He shoved Julian into the hallway. Julian tried to reenter but my dad slammed the door and locked us in.
“You can’t stop us!” He shouted, banging on the door.
I fought against my dad until there was no fight left. He pushed me on the floor. I knew practically every homophobic slur, but I’d never known them from him. I laid there in the fetal position, begging my dad to either let Julian in or let me out.
“You’ll be on the first bus to military school!” He shouted at me. “Do you hear me, Snowden?! This will be your last night in this house!” The window rattled as he slammed the door closed.
I waited a few seconds. Once I was sure, I ran to my door. I opened it to the tiniest of cracks. The hallway was empty. I could hear him stalking around every inch of that house, searching for Julian.
I didn’t go to military school, but my dad was right about one thing: It was my last night in that house.


 

"And then what?” Zo asked, her glossy eyes widening with each word.
“I ran away.” I replied. “I’ve told you that before.”
“Wait…” Archer wiped some loose tears from the corners of his eyes. “What happened to Julian?”
I averted my gaze to the table. “Tears stung the edges of my eyes. “Knowing him, he was probably going to get help. That’s who he was, you see. Always trying to protect me."
"What does that mean?” Raina asked.
"J-Julian’s dead?” Coral reached out to take my hand in hers.
"No.” I wiped my eyes to face them. “Julian got hit by a car that night. He’s....” I sighed. “He’s been in a coma ever since. I keep in contact with his mom. Sometimes I send her songs she can read to him. She knows how much I still love him.”
Raina took Zo’s hand in hers. It was a small gesture, but their rings glistened under the kitchen light.
“And you guys know the rest.” I said, still eyeing the silver bands.
“Wait, didn’t you say once that you didn’t attend your mom’s funeral?” Garrett asked. “Where were you then?”
“Already coming to the realization that the streets weren’t for me.” I admitted, shrugging. “I tried to go back to make amends, but the for-sale sign was in the yard and my family had turned into a blip in time. They moved on without so much as a new address. For a long time, every time I spotted a UHAUL, I would think it was them. Or maybe I was hoping that my dad wasn’t the type of man who would move away and leave me behind. Be they for the good or for the bad, every step I took after I realized I’d been left behind brought me to today where I am able to be here for you guys.” I cleared my throat. “But enough of that. I have a show tonight and my gown needs a few finishing touches.”
I closed the door to my room. Perhaps one day I would tell them about my life on the streets, but for now, I dragged a trunk from my closet. I sat on the edge of my bed before unlatching the lock. At the very top, was a picture of Jasmine, Julian and I at our table in the cafeteria. I cradled the picture in my hands and cried. Once they were free, I couldn’t stop them. Tears sprang forward for all the years I couldn’t or wouldn’t, for that matter.
I cried for Jasmine.
I cried for my mom.
I cried for Julian.
But more than anything, I cried for the Snow I was underneath it all, still waiting for my love to come home.

"I figured I had to be dead cuz-" He made a motion at Toilyn. "This one hugged me when I sat up. What sucks is now I'm sure of it 'cause you're here." He nodded at Juniper. "I never imagined you to be a part of my Hell loop and yet, here you are."

I wanted… No, NEED… I needed to be the one to tell him. "You're not dead, Jan." His gaze swung from Juniper to me. Our eyes locked and in that moment, none of it mattered. He was here, alive. The entire room melted away as I rushed to his side. He gathered me in his arms as if we'd always been this way. 

I clung to the fabric of his shirt, willing my cheeks to remain dry. There was no time for tears. I would not cry.

"Get a room." The dry humor of Toilyn's voice tickled my ears, reminding me of where we were… Of who I was.

I released Jan immediately. 

"So where are we?" 

I stood, grateful for the subject change. "This used to be Dr. Patil's home." Juniper explained before Toilyn or I could respond. "Who's apparently dead now, according to your story." 

"I told you guys everything I could remember." Jan said quickly. 

Juniper nudged my shoulder. Just a little longer. My heart pleaded. Can't we just be in this moment for a little while longer… 

I moved so that she could get closer to Jan. "You're going to save the timeline, Jan." 

"There's no way!" He burst out laughing. His laughter sobered as he realized none of us had cracked so much as a smile. "Wait, you're serious?"

"I am." She replied, nodding. "The technology that you created will save the lives of the doctors at Altura who are working on Covid-99 so that Luminous can remove them from this timeline."

"Doesn't that mean it'll still happen in 2019?"

She nodded somberly. "It has to. It's a historic event. We cannot alter historic events in any way, that's the rules."

"But the people…" I said. "Millions…"

Again, Juniper nodded. "Removing the virus from this era will mean the doctors, nurses and scientists who are tasked to be on the front lines will go on to do those things. Without this reset, the team who goes on to figure it out will parish." 

"All of them?" Toilyn asked, her voice cracked with disbelief. 

She didn't even hesitate. "Yes."

"If Jan is the cure, why not place him in 2019 before any of this happens?"

"You already know that answer, Toilyn." Juniper said. She turned her attention, first to Jan, then to me. "I will give you two a little time then we have to go."

She gestured at Toilyn, whose neck was still locked on Jan. For a few seconds, I could see the turmoil in her expression. Juniper reached to grab her elbow, but Toilyn snatched out of reach. She was out the door, stomping down the stairs before Juniper could react. She chanced one last look at me, then Jan: "Five minutes." 

"You saved my life." Jan said as soon as the door closed behind her. 

"You saved me first." All of a sudden, my throat felt extremely dry. "When I found you… I thought…"

"I thought the same." He began to fiddle with the blanket covering his legs. "Ya know, when you're a kid, screaming with laughter is something you become accustomed to. It's just a sound and you would think all your screams would sound similar no matter how you age, but that's not true. I don't think I'll ever be able to shake the sounds of my screams in that lab." 

"Jan…" Look at me! My thoughts screamed. He wouldn't. His gaze stayed on his fingers tracing lines on the blanket. "I've got something for you." 

When he still didn't look up, I fished through my pockets to find the picture of him. I slid it in front of him. He picked it up. Once, twice, he turned it over; almost as if he didn't recognize the people. "It's Mavis." He murmured finally. "Where did you get this?" 

I explained as much as I could, without getting into my suspicions. The tips of his fingers were trembling on the edges. I wished that he would look at me, but no. His eyes remained on the picture. "She didn't die because of me." The words were weaved with an undertone of relief. "It wasn't my fault." 

"No." I replied.

"You went through a lot to find me."

"I did."

"Z…" Blue eyes fell on me finally. It was mere seconds but it might as well have been hours. I would have given anything to be a mind reader in that moment. "And now I'm supposed to save the timeline." His words were quiet, as if he'd meant to say something else, but changed his mind. He flipped his hand over. A tiny ball of blue and gold fluttered from his fingers. It did tiny pirouettes down the bed before disappearing through the wall. "I need to know…" He punched the bed angrily. "This wasn't supposed to happen to me! I could have taken that dude and I know it! They caught me with my guard down and I have to live with that!" He punched the blanket again. "I'm going to kill that guy one day."

"Get in line." 

"There's a line?" A tiny smile swept his lips. "Will I ever see you again?" 

"Of course." I answered at the same time as Juniper's tiny knocks signaled the end of our time. 

I turned on my boot. Jan's hand shot out to grab my wrist. I looked down at his fingers wrapped around my naked skin. I'd never noticed how lithe and artistic they were. My eyes studied the tips of his fingernails, which still had a bit of dirt beneath them. Unlike me, he had not bitten his nails down to nubs. 

"Jan…"

Our eyes met. 

He smiled.

I smiled.

For a few fleeting moments, that's all that mattered.

"I'm guessing this is Dax's little hidey hole." 

We had no idea where we were. To the left of us was a desk with a small, white lamp lying on its side. To the right, a dresser with the majority of the clothes strewn on the floor. Behind us was a four post bed with the sheets and blankets rolled beneath a yellow pillow. 

"From the looks of it, whoever was here left in a hurry." I whispered.

"If we're in the right place," Toilyn said, surveying the clothes. She picked up a sweatshirt and sniffed it. She scrunched up her nose. "Luminous has a lot of explaining to do."

"What's that face? It smells?"

She tossed the shirt aside to rummage through the rest. "No. I mean, come on, Z… We don't live at Luminous." She held up a pair of pants. "For the bad guys, they sure are hospitable."

I continued to watch the door while she stalked through what could end up not even being Dax's possessions. "They make sure their agents are comfortable." I said quietly. "The more comfortable you become, be the situation good or bad, right or wrong, the human mind will cling to what we know. Comfort zones are in our nature. We can't help it."

"So you're saying defecting is in our nature?"

"You honestly want me to believe that you, of all people, have never thought about it?" I shrugged though her back was still turned to me. "I can only speak for myself, but when I considered the idea, it was because Noir made so much sense. Not only that, it seemed so much easier. They basically do whatever, whenever, no consequences. For an amount of time that I'm not even comfortable admitting to, I felt like a prisoner of this job. I wanted to do whatever I wanted, consequences be damned. It wasn't until…" I paused. Brie.

Toilyn threw me a quick glance over her shoulder before returning to her task. "Brie… Right?" 

"Right." I replied to her slouched form. "After all of that, I wanted to blame Dax, blame Noir… Blame anybody and everybody but the person who caused all of it and it was getting harder and harder to face her in the mirror." I sighed. "Truth is, by the time I accepted my part in it, too much time had passed and Brie was already a higher up in Noir. More than anything, I just wanted to apologize for bringing her back. I wanted to tell her not only had I accepted that this was my fault, I wanted her to know that never again would I put someone else on the line for my own interests." My voice cracked. Despite my best efforts, my eyes were trying to tear up. "I wanted her to know that I put all that selfishness behind me, that I really had changed."

"Yes." Toilyn turned so that she sat Indian style across from me. 

I brushed the vulnerability from my cheeks. Toilyn was the only one allowed to know that side of me. Never again would I risk someone catching even a partial glimpse into my soul. "Yes what?"

"I've thought about defecting in the past." She fiddled with the flooring between her knees. "I changed my mind after I found something worth sticking around for." 

"What was that?" 

"You, Z." She slapped the floor. "Dammit, I stayed for you, okay?"

"Me?"

"You're my best friend, my family. If that's not worth seeing this through to the end, what is?"

Throughout time, space and all that was in between, no matter what, we always chose each other. Us before them. Us before Luminous. Almost at the same time, we both reached to wipe stray tears from our eyes. 

"I love you, Toy." 

"I love… Wait a second, what's that?"

So much for mush. "What?" 

She jabbed her finger at the bed. "Right there. Under the bed." She crawled to reach under the bed. "Right… There. Here, get this." She waved a cracked picture frame back at me. "There's something else." She sat up, straining to pull something free. "Little help?" I tossed the frame on the bed to lend a hand. Together, we dragged a large, vintage looking trunk from beneath the bed. She hopped to her feet. I don't know what she was about to say, but instead, her eyes clouded over. "Uh, Z?" 

I looked up from the trunk. "What?" 

"Did you look at that picture?"

"No." Was I supposed to?

"It's Jan." She said.

Though I heard her perfectly, my brain didn't compute. "Huh?"

"The picture." She snatched it off the bed to hand to me. "It's Jan." 

My jaw dropped. "Where are we?" In frame was Jan and a girl, in what appeared to be her early twenties. Her lips were curved into a pinched smile, as if someone had to beg for its presence. His face was completely blank. Gone was the sarcastic confidence that we'd come to know. Neither of them looked particularly comfortable. It was just that, a picture, and they just happened to be in it. I dropped the frame on the floor to stamp the glass free.

"What are you doing?"

"What if this means something?"

"It means that guy is definitely single." Toilyn smirked. "Or he was after they took that pic. Those two have zero chemistry."

I almost threw the glass at her. Almost. Instead, I plucked the photo free then shoved it in my back pocket. 

"Why are you keeping that?" Toilyn's eyes narrowed as if she could see the photo through my jeans. "You know what? Nevermind." She leaned down, disguising her annoyance within a heavy sigh. "Help me lift this on the bed."

I took my place on the other end of the trunk. "Ready?" When our eyes met, I nodded. "3… 2… Lift."

We hoisted it from the floor. "It definitely didn't feel this light when we were dragging it." Toilyn muttered, attempting to lift the lid. "Figures. Locked." Her eyes scanned the room before going back to the keyhole. "Do you still have that weird looking key from that stuff that jerk off gave us?" 

"Why would he have a key to…" I thought about it. "Here? Wherever here is." I fished around my pockets. If I still had that key after everything, it would be a miracle. Finally, my fingers brushed across the brass. "I one hundred percent legit doubt…" I began, watching her slide it in the keyhole. To both our surprise, we heard a click. "I stand corrected."

"Keep an eye on the door." She hissed, throwing open the lid. "On second thought…"

I was already beside her. "What is this stuff?" So many colors. The amount of OCD it had to take… The clothes were color coordinated, folded so neatly that the creases were sharp enough to cut glass. Pants and shirts. Sweaters and shorts. On top of it all, placed directly in the middle, was a rolled up poster looking thing alongside an envelope. 

Toilyn selected the rolled up paper. "I'm starting to think this isn't Dax's hidey hole… These are floor plans." She spread the poster across the nearest empty swatch of bed. "Why are floor plans stuffed underneath somebody's bed?" She asked, smoothing the edges so it would stop rolling back up. 

"Hold on, I think this a letter." 

Toilyn glanced up from the plans. "Man, the last time somebody snatched up a letter…" 

"So you're saying I shouldn't?"

"Oh no, no, no. We're royally jacked anyway. What else could happen?"

I held the envelope up to the light. One thing I knew for sure was it wasn't a bomb, but that was about it. I tore at the edges. Instantly, I recognized the handwriting from the college. "Dr. Patil wrote this." I told Toilyn. If eyes could roll free from their sockets, she would have been an expert. 

"Ugh… I'm tired of this fool. What?"

"If you're reading this, I'm either in hiding or I'm already dead."

"Hopefully the latter."

"Shhhh. Hold up a sec." I cleared my throat. "In this chest you will find the floor plans of Noir Corporation. I acquired them from one of their agents, Dax." 

"That would explain why Dax was here… Wherever this is. Does it happen to say how he managed to get these from Dax?" She tapped her chin with an index finger. "I just can't imagine Dr. Busy Body winning a fight against that guy."

"Shhhh."

"You're going to shush me one more time…"

"Toilyn…" I groaned. It's not like she was paying attention. I started scanning ahead. 

"Fine, fine." She held up her hands in surrender. "What else does he have to say for himself?"

"I'm guessing this trunk is supposed to be some sort of apology."

"How? There's no way this is his stuff." Toilyn started sifting through the clothes. "These are women's clothes." 

"Oh?" I looked up. She was dangling a dress over the trunk. "Oh."

"None of this makes sense." She said, dropping it. "Is there anything useful in there?"

I shrugged. There wasn't much. "It says he didn't know his involvement would cause as much trouble as it has. Not only did they threaten him, they manipulated him by not disclosing how intricate this job can be."

"He's no victim." Toilyn scoffed. "All I'm hearing is that letter says exactly what he was blubbering about that night. So what."

I waved off her irritations. "I think this was Jan's assistant's dorm."

"Um, whatsherface… M name, right?"

"Her name was Mavis."

"I was close." Not even a little. "What makes you sure?"

"Call it a hunch."

"I doubt it." Toilyn said.

"It would explain the clothes." 

"Or the good doctor moonlights as a drag queen. How much does a professor make anyway?" When I didn't respond, she sighed. "Come on Z, why would the good doctor be hanging around some chick's dorm? That's a little creepy."

She had a point. "Because nobody would check the dorm of a dead girl."

"Hello? Dax was just here."

Another solid point and yet, I was right. I was sure of it. It would explain so much. He'd made it a point to tell us she was a former student of his. On the one hand, it could have easily been small talk, but what if it wasn't? What if it was a crucial detail, meant to lead us to the place that we were now standing in by sheer chance? 

Only one way to find out. "Let's go." 

"Go?" Toilyn looked on, confused. "Go where?"

"What do you mean? Toilyn, this has longitude and latitude." 

"And I have zero patience. That doesn't tell me squat." 

"No, no. The floor plans." I pointed at the plans excitedly. "We can get into Noir!"

"How?"

Sometimes she was so… So… I typed the coordinates into my goggles in order to show them to her. She nodded, finally understanding. "Oh. Okay, okay. Longitude and latitude."

Really? I shoved her shoulder playfully. "You're so full of shit sometimes. You know that, right?"

She shoved me back. "Stop trying to act like you don't like it." 

******

"I really, really don't like this." 

From the looks of it, we were in a boiler room of some sort. Toilyn scanned our surroundings before nodding that we were indeed, alone. "No time for chitchat. There's no telling where they've stashed Jan." She pointed to the left of us. "We've made it this far. Ugh… I wish I'd brought my gear now." 

"It's too bulky."

"Well, it's now or never. What's it going to be?"

"We've gotta save-"

"Jan. I know, I know. Enough already."

Neither of us had the stomach to digest the fact that we could be on a mission to retrieve a body. The truth of the matter hung in the air, wafting over our skin, lest we forget and that was heavy enough.

Toilyn peeked out of the boiler room door. "All clear." She pushed the door open. 

"You there!"

All clear, huh? She was down the hall before I could react. She wrapped her hands around his face. SNAP! Even from where I was standing, I could hear the faint click of his esophagus as his neck broke. She started dragging him towards me. I reopened the door so that she could stash him. 

"You said all clear…" I muttered.

"This is a long, dark hallway." She grinned. "Let's go."

"I'm so glad you're enjoying this."

"Oh no, if I'm dying today, I'm going to have some fun first." 

I fell in step behind her. We came up on another door. She grabbed the knob. "Alright, you ready?"

I nodded. "Ready." She jerked it open. I threw myself in front of her, hands at the ready. "Clear."

"I'm guessing there's an elevator somewhere down here." Toilyn said.

"We wouldn't be able to take it anyway." Duh. "Come on." I started up the stairs, this time with her flanking me. At each floor, we would risk a glance. We were surrounded by Noir. 

"We're going to have to blend in somehow." I said on the sixth floor. "If Jan is here, this would be the floor." Neither of us understood how to read the blueprints but I did understand that the sixth floor hardly had any surrounding rooms. It had to mean something. Toilyn didn't like the idea, but the longer we debated it, the more it became clear that we really didn't have much of a plan so the sixteenth floor was the plan. 

She pointed at my belt. "The goggles. Switch your goggles with Dax's and I'll take mine off." 

Noir's goggles were solid gold. They were hard to miss, even in a fight. The toggles and switches were a stark contrast to Luminous' black and bronze. I switched mine out with Dax's. 

"How do I look?"

"Like this is already a bad idea."

"So, on theme? Perfect." 

"Ah ha. Ah ha." 

I opened the door ahead of her. A couple agents waved at us absently. I waved back.

Toilyn grabbed my hand. "What are you doing?"

"Blending in." Every face was smiling and either waving or nodding. I didn't know this version of Noir. I lowered my voice. "Fix your face. You can read the distrust off your eyebrows." 

"Um…" Toilyn's expression folded into a bright, friendly smile. 

"Hi, you guys." 

Uh oh. I almost stopped breathing. He approached us quickly. Instead of engaging in conversation, he said "Excuse me." And kept going. I exhaled the breath of air I'd been holding. "Toy, my arm." Her fingers had nudged a scarlet pattern in the skin.  

"Huh? Oh." 

"Relax." I whispered. 

I led us through the swarm of agents, each smiling. Each nodding. Each welcoming. In their eyes, we were one of their own. 

Finally, I paused in front of a set of double doors. "If I remember correctly, he should be around this area." 

Toilyn threw a few more agents a hasty smile. "Don't you think there are too many agents for those blueprints?" 

"What do you mean?"

"The floor we were looking at didn't have many rooms and this one is swarming with Noir." 

"Blueprints don't show people, Toy." I replied, though I was already having the same feeling. "He's here." Again, I inhaled a deep breath. He has to be. 

Exhaling, I pushed the silver panel. Empty. It looked to be some sort of lab.

"Toy…"

"Shhhh. Shhhh. Close the door behind us." 

Frantically, we began searching for something, anything. We threw open every cabinet, every previously unopened door. I shook my head in defeat. "Nothing."

"There are two more rooms with doors like this one." She didn't speak further, but I could hear the doubt in her voice. 

Thankful for the lack of "I told you so", I followed her back to the doors.

"Come on, we can-"

"Wait a second, what's that?"

"What?" Toilyn braced herself, same as we always had.

"No, no, there. Over there." I pointed to several buttons poking from beneath a shelf. "Over there. Under that shelf." The closer Toilyn got, the more I understood exactly what we were looking at. I clapped my hands over my mouth. "It's… Toy, no… Toy, no…"

It was Jan's remote. It was broken in four places but still recognizable.

"This doesn't mean anything, Z." She picked up the pieces. The face plate for coordinates was cracked. When she lifted it, it started to flash the last set, the last place he ever was: The doctor's home.

"Why did we come here?" My voice cracked with unshed tears. 

"Because he's here." She grabbed the latch on my belt. "Where are those plans?" 

"Back pocket." I mumbled, handing them to her.

She unfolded them on the nearest countertop. After a few seconds, she muttered something that sounded a lot like "That explains all the agents."

"What?"

"Ugh… Z, we're on the wrong floor."

"No we're not."

"Come here." 

I leaned across her shoulder. From this angle, I could clearly see that we were supposed to be on floor 9. Not 6. Rookie mistake. 

She refolded the plan. "Howsabout I hold on to this?" She tucked it away without waiting for a response. I knew she wanted to say something else but again, was choosing not to. Probably "You idiot!" or "How could you be so stupid?!" or "So you're telling me you couldn't tell you were looking at it upside down?!?!?!" Whatever thoughts were jogging through her mind, her lips remained closed as she turned on her heels. "Let's go." Was all she offered. 

Again, we were wading through the murky sea of Noir agents. Each a face of welcoming and trust. The Noir we were being presented with was not the Noir either of us had come to know. It was jarring each time somebody greeted us. 

Once we were inside the stairwell again, I asked Toilyn was her silence because she was mad at me. 

"No." She assured me. "I'm just worried about you. Let's face it: That's something I would do and we would just laugh and laugh because I'm the screw up. You're supposed to have it together." 

"I'm freaking out about-"

"Jan." She interrupted. "I'm starting to think this is less about him and more about you." 

"What do you mean?" 

"You have always blamed yourself for the Brie thing. You know what I think? I think in your eyes, if we don't get him back, it's another scratch in your book of life and this one would mean more because he saved not just your life… But mine." 

"Toy… I'm glad he saved you."

"Oh no, I know. But come on, save two damsels in distress, die in Noir. Nobody deserves that. Especially not Jan."

"Especially?" Despite our circumstances, a smile crept across my face. 

"What can I say? He's grown on me." She sighed. "I need you to get your head in the game, Z. I don't know what's up there but I do know that there's only two of us to fight it. Me and you, right?" She looked back at me.

I nodded. "You and me."

"Besides, it's not like it was a total bust." She patted the lumps from the remote in her right pocket. "Either he or someone dealing with him was in that room."

I knew she was trying to help, but it was having the opposite effect. 

"You're going to drive yourself crazy with all that worrying." She poked my cheek. "Do you want to hear a stupid idea?"  

"You know how I adore a good ol' fashion stupid idea." I said sarcastically.

"Hear me out." She jabbed a finger at my head. "We made it all the way down here with just those goggles. Why not risk the elevator?"

"Oh yeah, that really is stupid." I answered. "What's wrong with the stairs?"

"Nothing. It's just," She shrugged. "If we don't hurry up, we're going to run out of time." She opened the door to look out. "Come on."

With anxiety doing everything it could to glue my feet to the floor, I followed her out. As we carved our way down the hall, my mind was reeling. What I really couldn't wrap my head around was why Luminous was so hell bent on leaving Jan behind. As far back as I could remember, we weren't allowed to risk civilian lives, ESPECIALLY if Noir was involved. What made Jan different? From what I gathered, Luminous had eyes on Jan in his timeline from the beginning, probably because of his research. Bateman had been tracking him for a while but not to bring him in. Instead he was only keeping an eye on him. The real question was: Why? What was I missing? Jan was obviously a cog in an even bigger machine, but why?

"Hello."

"Hi."

"Hey."

Wave. Wave. Wave.

More warm expressions and greetings. This time, Toilyn did all the smiling and nodding. Noticeably, there were less smiles in the mix. A few faces were folded with tension. Several goggles were disappearing into rooms, speaking in hushed tones. Finally, she nudged me. The elevator was opening. Noir agents, these more focused and tense, scurried past. My gaze bounced after them. That's weird. Outside of a faint "Excuse me," they barely acknowledged us. 

The door was closing when a hand appeared, stopping the door from closing. The Noir agent noted us. First Toilyn, then me. Her gaze stayed on me longer. I shifted uncomfortably. Her eyes scanned mine as if she was searching for something. Suddenly they widened in recognition. Toilyn jumped on her before she could cry out. She attempted to break free, but Toilyn was faster. SNAP! She was placing her in a sitting position when the alarm sounded. 

Both of our mouths fell open. The elevator screeched to a halt as red lights started to flash from the walls. 

"This can't be good!" I shouted over the alarms. 

"Oh, you think?!" Toilyn shouted back.

"What-" my "are we going to do?" was swallowed by "Agents of Noir…" The voice that was vibrating from the ceiling was one I knew all too well. "Our base has been infiltrated by Luminous agents." 

Dax. "It's Dax!" 

"Just great!"

"Now what?!"

He was in the middle of describing Toilyn and I right down to our bootstraps. "Approach with extreme prejudice. Shoot on sight." 

The alarms felt as if they were growing louder by the second. The elevator sprang back to life. "Get ready!" Toilyn warned at the same time as Ding! The elevator doors opened on Floor 9. Two sets of eyes fell on us. No time for pleasantries. I threw my hands to the left of me. The blast reflected off the glass window, knocking out both agents. 

Toilyn smirked. "So, no more smiling and nodding?!" For the first time since our paths had crossed, one of us was pushing the red jewel. I had no idea what it did but for how confident she was when she slapped her palm on it, Toylin knew exactly what it did. 

"Check every floor, every room! Luminous has infiltrated Noir!"

Red and white siren lights echoed up the hallway. "We need to secure the floor!" Toilyn turned to me. "I've got this! Go find him!"

"I'm not leaving you!" I shouted over the chaos.

"There's no telling how many more are up here! I'm right behind you! I promise!" She shouted back, pushing me. "Go, Z! GO!"

With one last nod, I took off to the left of her. I froze at a familiar hue. It can't be. Slithering through the red and white was a low hum of blue and gold flickering on the wall in the middle of the hall. It has to be. I rushed to the window. It is. I gasped and backed up a few steps, covering my mouth. Jan.

Tears flooded the brims of my eyes. I blinked them back, blurring everything but not enough that I couldn't make him out in the middle of the floor. Bound to some sort of hook, made noticeable by the surrounding blue and gold emanating the walls like a candle wick, was Jan. I tried the door. Locked. Of course it is. I shook the handle again. "Jan!" I slapped my hands on the glass, screaming though I knew he couldn't hear and even if he could, the alarms were swallowing my words, snatching them out of reach. 

I wiped my eyes. "Dammit! Think, Z! Think!" 

At the end of the hall was another set of doors. I'll be right back. I promise. I nodded at the glass before rushing to them. Locked. I screamed in frustration. This was not supposed to be happening. I scrambled down the hallways, twisting the knobs on each room, all locked. There weren't a lot, but in my frenzy, it felt like hundreds. 

By another elevator, I found a closet, fully expecting another locked door. I will never be able to express how relieved I felt when it clicked. I flung the door open. Frantically, I pushed the brooms and mops behind me. As I was shoving the third set of buckets out of the way, I noticed a rustic shimmer in the corner. I jumped over a bin of cleaning supplies for a closer look. I knew I was making too much noise, but there was no time. Noir already knew we were there; is what I kept screaming mentally. We are out of time! I noted a triangular base of wheels. I grabbed the base and pulled. At first, it wouldn't budge. Of course not. I pulled once more, gritting my teeth. I barely stumbled backwards just in time for a stack of bins to topple out of the way, revealing a chair. 

Yes! Yes! Yes!

I rolled the chair back to the blue and gold wall. With each step, I whispered a prayer under my breath. Please let this thing be heavy enough. Please…

I approached the blue with caution. Not once had I checked my surroundings. What was I thinking? Moreover, where was Toilyn? I chanced a quick glance behind me before stopping at the glass. I placed one hand on either side of the chair. A few flakes of rust crumbled onto my fingers. 

Okay, Z… You've got this…

1… Totally. I've got this. 2… 

THREE

With every ounce of strength I could scrape together, I lifted the chair and launched it at the window. It shattered beneath the weight, echoing the presence of an intruder. I didn't have time to worry about how far the sound carried. I knocked the rest of the glass out of the way so that I could climb through. 

Now closer, I could see that his chest was bare and there were bloody streaks on his skin. I checked around him, just in case. 

"Jan…" His head snapped up suddenly. His sockets reflected gold across my skin. 

"Z…" He whispered. I reached to touch his cheek. I mean, he was alive. Before my hand could connect, his head dropped again. 

Shit. I grabbed him around the waist and pulled. As soon as my fingers touched him, the glow grew brighter, stronger, almost blindingly so.

"Z?!"

"I'm in here!" 

"Z?!" 

"Here, Toilyn! HERE!"

My eyes were squeezed shut against Jan's chest. I couldn't see. "Toilyn?!" 

"I'm here! Holy shit, what is this?!"

"It's Jan! Help me, Toy!"

"Back away from him!"

"What?! Why?!"

"Dammit, Z… DUCK!" 

I dropped to the floor beside Jan's bare feet. He fell backwards onto the linoleum. The glowing ceased immediately. 

"What did you do?!"

"No time! Grab his other side! I cleared the floor but I'm sure they've figured out we're here for him!"

Four agents appeared in the now glassless window. 

"Toilyn!" I was on my feet before they could climb all the way through. 

She whirled her hands in a circle. As the fourth boot was entering, she screamed. A bright red, even brighter than the alarm filled the room. She held her position, both palms up. When she finally lowered her hands, ash and dust swirled across the room. 

"Grab him." She all but snarled at me. 

She jammed coordinates into her goggles. I did the same. Knelt on the cold floor, Toilyn warned me not to lift. Both of us slung one of Jan's arms over our shoulders.

"NOW!"

Toilyn and I had been sitting in front of Gillian's office for what felt like an eternity. Every once in a while, a lower ranking agent would stop to wish us luck. 

Facetime with Gillian was reserved for the higher ups and Toilyn and I were practically the lowest level of bottom feeders. If we saw more than the hem of her pants, it was considered noteworthy. "This is ridiculous. I'm just going to walk in there." When I didn't say anything, she smiled: "What?"

"Don't hold back on my account." I retorted. "I want to see you kick that door in." I was only partially joking. I stood up. "I'm going to knock again. There's no way she doesn't know we're out here." 

My fist didn't get the chance to touch the wood. It swung open, revealing Rurick, Gillian's assistant. A quick scan over and around her revealed that she was alone.

"I need to speak to Gillian. It's urgent."

"Come in." Rurick said, watching Toilyn stand to join me. "No, no." She shook her head. "Just her." She stepped back far enough for me to pass. With one last glance at Toilyn, the door closed. 

"Rurick, I-"

"You're Z, correct?" She interrupted as if this was the first time our paths had ever crossed.

"Look-"

"You know Gillian doesn't open her office unless it's an emergency."

"I said it was urgent when you opened the door." Realizing the irritated tone I'd suddenly taken, I quickly threw a "ma'am" on the end. 

"So you did." She turned on her heels to face me: "Am I to assume that your insistence on seeing Gillian has to do with a failed assignment?"

No. Yes. No… With yes undertones? I almost shrugged. "It has to do with my current assignment." I held up Dr. Patil's toggle switch. "It has to do with this." 

She leaned against the corner of the desk behind her. As she folded her arms, a few wisps of hair slipped away from the severe, raven colored bun atop her scalp. "And Gillian is supposed to…?"

I hadn't thought that far ahead. "I lost Jan." Though the voice had fallen from my lips, I still couldn't believe the words were being said. 

"What's that?" She jabbed a finger at my hand. "Does it go with that thing?"

"It…" He. "He's a person. He's my assignment." 

"Well, where is he then?"

Even as she was asking, I could tell she already knew. The inquiry was nothing more than a formality. 

Anger slid to the front of my thoughts: "You already know, don't you?"

She smiled coyly, reminding me that I never really liked her. She was Gillian's right hand but nothing would have made me happier than cutting off the left. 

"You two… You and…" Though she said "that one", I knew she was referring to Toilyn. She said her name as if she'd just stumbled across a new disease. Apparently, the dislike was mutual. "There's always something. You know Luminous' policy on the matter, do you not?"

You've got to be kidding me. "Rurick, if I don't get in contact with Gillian, it could mean the destruction of humanity as we know it." 

"We don't know it." She said matter of factly. "We're Luminous."

Is this a joke? 

"As an agent of Luminous, you are tasked with completing assignments, whatever it takes, are you not?"

"Yes, but-"

"No, no, no. See, that's your problem now. You waltz in here looking high and low for answers, hoping they're plastered on the walls. You want us to hold your hand and lead you instead of garnering your own solutions. If we have to figure things out for you, what do we need you for?" 

It was taking every ounce of strength I had left not to punch her in the face. "Why did you even open the door if you weren't going to help?"

"Your tone, agent." She was enjoying this, I could tell. "I opened the door so that I could be the one to tell you that you're off the assignment. We'll handle it from here."

"Rurick-"

"No. There will be no more questions on the matter as far as you're concerned, are we understood?" She started to walk around the desk. "You are dismissed."

"No." I planted my feet, ready for a fight.

"No?" She repeated it as if it was the first time she'd ever heard such a concept. 

"What about Jan?"

Her back still to me: "Are you hard of hearing, agent?" 

"I'm not leaving him with Noir."

"Were you this passionate when you handed him over to Noir?" She threw herself in Gillian's chair. "Get out."

"I didn't hand him-"

"Your actions caused this! Yours!" 

I was already thinking it, but hearing it aloud cut deep. Tears threatened the brims of my eyes as I backed away. My hand was on the doorknob when I thought better of it. There was no way I was leaving Jan. 

I inhaled deeply. Exhaling, I steeled my spine. "You know what, Rurick?" There was a chair in the corner that I imagined was reserved for higher ups. I took measured, leisure steps over to it. Just slow enough to give Rurick enough time to realize my intent. "I am not leaving until I see Gillian."

She stood up. Even with my entire employment history flashing before me, I wouldn't budge. If I was to be terminated, let it be that… But not with Rurick's shady, beady little eyes thinking she'd made me stand down. Screw that. 

Instead of towards me, she walked to the wall on her left, my right. She pulled the Luminous logo plaque forward. The wall groaned as it rose into the air. 

"Follow me." 

I will not. 

When I didn't move, she made a gesture at the gaping hole in the wall. "Gillian will see you now." 

My eyes swung from Rurick to the wall. Who did she think she was fooling? "If Gillian is in there, you're more than welcome to let her know I'm willing to wait." I crossed my legs. "I'll be right here." 

Rurick's eyes rolled in an entire sphere around their sockets. She grumbled something before stomping through the hole. 

Stairs? I could hear the downward trajectory. Or maybe I couldn't. Curiosity compelled me to inspect further. 

What is this? I'd imagined Rurick humming a catchy little ditty as she tightened the screws on a pair of shackles. This type of assignment seemed right up her alley: Keep Z at Luminous, whatever it takes. Instead of two chains linked from a wall, I was faced with a staircase spiraling towards… To where? Maybe the shackles were at the bottom.

No longer could the click clacking of Rurick's heels be heard. Nope. Not even.

"Z."

I whirled around. I hadn't heard the door open behind me. Even without a name in the air between us, I knew. She walked around the large, Oakwood desk. Not once did her pale, green eyes leave my face. Her hair was weaved into a long, red braid. It swished behind her as she lowered her frame into the chair. She gestured at the chair that I'd left unoccupied.

After we were both seated, her face relaxed into a warm smile. "Why didn't you leave when Rurick told you to?"

I don't like Rurick. "Ma'am…"

"Please… Call me Gillian." The introduction was merely a formality. The regalness projected with her every step made it impossible to imagine any other name crossing her lips. 

I don't know what I was expecting. What I did know was that the inviting warmth to her posture probably wasn't meant to be intimidating, but it couldn't be helped. "Um, Gillian…" I stammered.

"What's that?" She pointed at my right fist, which was still curled around the toggle switch. 

"Noir apprehended my assignment." They already know that, stupid. "That doctor… Uh, Dr. Patil… He… They enlisted him. He gave me this."

She motioned at me. I stood long enough to put it on her desk. "Ah…" She held it up to the light. "It's a homing device." She sat it back down. "You press the button. They show up." She was thinking about something. "Did you kill the doctor?"

"No ma'am." I said quickly. I did not need "Killed doctor who brought Covid-19 to 1999" penned on my record. 

"Good." She nodded. "I'm removing you from the case." 

"Excuse me?" 

What about Jan? 

"Your assignment was the timeline change of Covid-19 to Covid-99 was it not?"

"Yes, but-" 

"The assignment did not list a person." She spoke in long, measured words that reflected "don't let the smile fool you" across my face. 

"Yes, but-"

"What I've gathered is you decided this, this…"

"His name was Jan." I flinched. Is. 

"Jan." She repeated. "You decided he was your assignment without proper research into Altura." 

"Dr. Patil." I said quickly. "He caused the timeline change by choosing to help Noir."

She nodded despite it being obvious that she already knew that. 

"They were after Jan." 

Again, she nodded. " So what I am to understand is that through your meddling -"

"Jan." I couldn't hold it any longer. "They took Jan!"

"He wasn't your assignment. He was someone else's." 

My spine went rigid. "Excuse me?" 

"We've had eyes on him for a while. A man who unlocks time travel in a lab will always be a person of interest." She said, ignoring my jaw scraping the floor in shock. "Because of your interference, two assignments became one assignment." 

"Was Jan Toilyn's assignment?" I had to know.

"Not that it's any of your concern but, no." She folded her hands on the desk. "I was unaware of your involvement until Bateman informed me that he encountered the both of you in the library." 

So he was Bateman's assignment. "This is not my fault." He always was. 

"Fault?" Her smile curved into a smirk. "You're off the case. You'll be receiving a new assignment shortly." 

"I'm not leaving Jan with Noir."

"Am I to understand that you're refusing to stand down?" 

He saved my life. "You don't understand!" Standing down was not an option.

"Oh I do. I understand that you should be terminated and yet, I am choosing reassignment instead. What more is there to be understood?" Gone was the warmth in her posture. "Need I remind you that you took a person unaffiliated with Luminous to Area 51?" In its place, a cold, calculating glare. "Your interference led to Noir apprehending not just anyone but a man who has the ability to time travel unchecked! Do you not understand the gravity of this situation?!"

Better to be terminated than a coward. "You can't just leave him!" I shouted defiantly.

"Stand down, agent!"

"I won't leave him!" 

"Then you leave me no choice."

The hole in the wall that Rurick had disappeared through was once again filled with her annoying form. Only she was flanked by two other agents. 

My eyes darted from the agents to Gillian. "What is this?" 

I had not noticed her hand slide beneath her desk until it was too late.

"Take her." 

"What the hell?!" 

The agents on either side of Rurick rushed towards me. I slapped my hand on my wrist, hoping I turned the correct knob. Blue ricocheted from my hands. The impact sent them flying backwards, one across Gillian's desk, to the left of her. The other sprawled into Rurick. Startled by the sudden onslaught of flailing arms, she attempted to dodge, but lost her footing. They collapsed in a heap on the carpet. Before anyone could gather themselves, I was on my feet and out the door.

Toilyn's head jerked up. "What's going on?!" I didn't need words. She was already on her feet running down the hallway beside me. 

"We've got to save Jan!" I shouted above the rising sounds of boots stomping the floor behind us. The elevator ride to the bottom felt longer than the one up. The second the door opened, I shouted “Scatter!” Please understand. Hopefully she understood. I didn't check to see if she was still behind me. Agents were blurring as I passed, some calling after me, most not. 

What mattered was me putting as much distance between them and me as fast as I could.

******

The suitcase still laid in the middle of the front yard, abandoned. A few ties and a shirt had blown to the other side of the street. 

With storm clouds now sprinkling rain across the roof, Dr. Patil's house appeared every bit of dreary as it had the night before. 

I sighed. None of this was supposed to be happening. Though the droplets had developed into a full storm, I didn't seek shelter in the house. I had no idea how long I stood at the edge of that abandoned lawn but, what I did know was I had no idea I was holding my breath until Toilyn suddenly appeared beside me. 

I threw my arms around her, relieved. She returned my embrace for a few seconds before holding me at arm's length. "We should go inside. He owes us that much."

I followed Toilyn across the yard, nodding the entire distance. He did owe us.

The front door was wide open. Toilyn paused on the porch long enough to place an arrow in her bow.

With me practically glued to her back, we walked the entire foundation. We checked bathrooms and bathtubs, upstairs and downstairs, kitchen cabinets and closets and we didn't stop opening doors until Toilyn nodded that we were indeed, alone. 

We were on our way out of the kitchen when I thought about it. "What about the garage?" 

The kitchen had three doors. One to the backyard, one we were in front of, and one that was by the refrigerator, still open, leading to the garage. "If anybody's here, they had to of heard us by now." 

When I didn't say anything, she crossed to the open door, arrow tip first. She disappeared for a few seconds before reappearing. "Clear." She passed me. I waited before following. 

She was shrugging the quiver off her shoulder as I was entering the living room. She looked up. "So, are we going to talk about what happened back there?" 

I took my place on the loveseat across from her. "I don't even know where to start." I admitted, sliding my hands down my face. I really, really messed up.

She slid over the edge of the couch and folded her arms across her chest. "Start with what the heck we were running from."

I opened my mouth. The longer I spoke, the deeper the furrow in her eyebrows became. She leaned forward. I could almost make out the thoughts dancing in her eyes. Were it not for the fact that I knew her, one could easily mistake that she was meditating. 

When I finally closed my mouth, she shook her head in disbelief. 

"Wait… Before anything else, do you honestly believe that I would've kept it a secret had Jan been my assignment?"

That's what you got out of that?! "I had to be sure."

"One, you know how I feel about offline assignments." She was right. It was how the term "Offline" drew its first breath in the first place. I did know. "Two, I wouldn't do you like that." She said, obviously offended. "You're my best friend. I jump, you jump, remember?" She stuck her fist out. "I'm just going to chalk this up to temporary insanity. Cool?" We bumped knuckles before her face relaxed. "Now that that's settled, what are we going to do and are you sure Luminous doesn't know we're here?"

"I have no idea."

"Huh?"

"That's your answer to both." I shrugged. "I don't know." 

"Perfect." She smacked her fist into her open palm. "Just perfect."

"We have to go after Jan." That was the only thing I knew for sure. 

"If they had plans to kill Jan, why didn't Bateman do it when he caught up with him before? Think, Z. Why only adjust his remote?"

"I don't know! What if it were me, Toy?!" I shouted, frustrated. "Would you be sitting here trying to make it make sense if this was about me?!" 

"Okay then…" She settled back against the couch cushions. "Let's go get him." She frowned. "How though?"

I held up the homing device, which I'd managed to reclaim during the commotion. "If this summons one of theirs, we can use it to gain some sort of information, right?" Please say "yes".

"Z…" Toilyn tilted her head thoughtfully. "What if Brie answers the call?" It wasn't a "No". 

I shrugged. I hadn't considered that. "We'll cross that bridge if it gets here." We wouldn't exactly have a choice. As far as either of us knew, no Luminous agent who had ever entered Noir had exited in the same condition. With that being said, in the grand scheme of things, neither of us knew where Noir was. The homing device was our only option. "All I know is we can't just abandon Jan." 

"And we won't." She stood up and stretched, yawning loudly. "Ya know, I think I'm going to take a shower. If I'm going to die today, I might as well be fresh when it happens." She hopped over the back of the couch. 

I watched as she disappeared from eyesight. Despite her lack of presence, I could still hear her rummaging around above me. Toilyn wasn't exactly known for her discretion.

I threw my legs over the arm of the loveseat. On the one hand, I knew we needed Luminous to back us on this and then there was the other hand: The one that knew Jan was the primary focus for a reason and needed to be saved. But from what? That was the real question. Were we saving Jan from Noir or were we protecting him from Luminous? 

My eyes weighed heavily with the burden. I didn't realize how exhausted I was. I kept blinking to stop the sleep from pushing down my lids, but to no avail. With one last struggled blink, my eyelashes settled on my cheeks. 

I awoke to Toilyn frantically shaking my leg. "You're kidding me!" I rubbed my eyes sleepily. I hadn't realized I was asleep if we're being honest here. 

"You can sleep when you're dead and with how this day is shaping up, it'll be soon." She held out her hands. I placed mine in hers. Once I was on my feet, she said: "You know what I was thinking about in the shower?"

"Do I really want to hear this?" 

"Pervert." She smirked. "One of the sheets in the envelope we had laid out a paper trail."

"Yeah, so?"

"Altura stands to rake in billions manufacturing a cure for the disease they created."

"Okay…"

"Is that what happened in 2020?"

I gasped. The thought had never crossed my mind. "From my understanding, they stumbled" I did air quotes for "stumbled". "Upon Covid-19 in a lab somewhere in Asia and the testing went south quick. People were blaming the consumption of bat soup for a while." 

"We both know that's not true."

"But what if that's what happened?"

"First we save Jan." She dragged her gear off the floor. "Then we can swap COVID conspiracy theories while we save the world." She gestured at the homing device, which had fallen from my hand while I slept. "I don't think it would be wise to press that button here. There's a good chance this is the only place that isn't being watched. If nobody comes a knocking, we're going to need it for Jan." 

I reached down to pick it up. "Okay, where then?"

She shrugged the arrows over her shoulder. "We could always go back to the nursing home since that's obviously where the good doctor was rubbing elbows with Noir." 

I punched the coordinates into my goggles as Toilyn did the same. "Nursing home it is." 

******

"So, upstairs or down?"

Toilyn pointed upward at the hole in the ceiling. "You only have to teach me once. I'm not interested in going through that again." 

"Down it is then." I held up the homing device. "Ready?" 

She turned to press her back against mine. I waited long enough for her to plant her feet before pushing the button. 

I don't know. I guess I thought the hallway would immediately swarm with a Noir agent or ten. I didn't expect to see Dax's mendacious hazel eyes manifesting across from us. 

"Well, well, well… This is unexpected." He said calmly. Almost too calm. "Z… Long time, no see. How's tricks?"

I pushed my hands out in front of me. The blue spiraled, aiming for his head, but he dodged it easily. "Oh, I see someone has an up-" Toilyn released her grip. The arrow connected with his left shoulder. He stumbled backwards, holding the stem. "What the hell?!" I nodded at Toilyn. She returned the gesture, immediately understanding. His gaze narrowed on the both of us as we approached. "Someone has been busy." He strained against the pain. He clenched his teeth. "To what do I owe this honor?"

"Cut the crap, Dax." I wasn't the agent that he thought he knew. I didn't have time for the mind games. 

His hand still wrapped around the stem, he stood strong. "Okay then, what do you want?" 

"We want access to Noir, you prick." Toilyn's aim had not lowered from his face.

Surprisingly, of the emotions his eyes were reflecting, fear wasn't one. "And why…" Pain was. "Why would I do that?" He winced. 

"You know why." I said.

He laughed menacingly. "I'm guessing you're… You two…" He laughed again. "The inventor, am I right?"

"Take us to Noir or I'll put this through your throat." She gritted her teeth. "Your choice." 

"How long…" His fingers tightened around the stem. "How long…" He snapped it off at the end. "How…" Again, he grunted. "... Did you practice that line?" The tip's jagged edges disappeared as he pulled himself free.

I threw my fist in front of myself. The impact slammed into his chest. He slumped down to the hardwood floor. 

"Okay Z, I see your hustle. I really do, but um… Don't we need him to get into Noir?" 

"No." I crouched down to snatch the goggles off his head. "Their goggles are basically a rip off of ours, right?" 

"Uh huh." 

She had to be kidding me. "Ours keeps a hold of our last coordinates for twenty-four hours." I pushed the buttons on the side.

"I hear you." She held up her hand like we were in the back of a classroom somewhere. "Who's to say those coordinates are Noir's?" 

I hadn't thought of that. "We've got to try." 

"Hey, this is your show. I'm just a side character tagging along for the side quest." She punched in the coordinates. "One that we might die on but that's neither here nor there."

"Toy…"

"I stand corrected." Jan hadn't closed his mouth since we arrived at Area 51. 

"This is our library." I said as we approached the gate. "People associate this place with aliens and the great mysteries of the world."

"What they don't know is that a branch of Luminous is hiding in plain sight underneath this place." Toilyn pulled out her key card. "The general consensus is that the government keeps this place under wraps to hide any proof of life on other planets. Luminous built this place decades ago."

"For all the conspiracy theories Luminous gets thrown their way, no one has ever suspected this place…" I scanned my key card. "Our library."

"Somewhere in 2019, people were talking about storming this place." Toilyn said, backing up for the metal bars to swing open. "It was just a joke but it was all the internet could buzz about for an abysmal amount of time." 

"Storming Area 51." I chuckled. "Classic."

"So what you're saying is: Aliens aren't real?" He actually sounded a bit disappointed. 

"No, we're not saying that." Toilyn said, leading the way towards the elevators. She pushed the button. "We're saying they're not here."

The doors swished open. We climbed in and I pushed the button that would send us to the library; what some would refer to as a basement for how far beneath the ground we were traveling. 

The entire way, Jan's mouth hung open in awe. He marveled at the gold and silver knobs on the panels, each leading to a different sector of the library. It was obvious he had millions of questions but the death glare Toilyn had yet to put away kept the inquiries at bay.

When the door opened to the floor she'd selected, she waited as Jan and I got out. "Well, this is where I leave you two." She said, reaching out to grab the door before it could close. 

"What?!" I was taken aback. "Where are you going?" 

"I'll catch up. I promise." She winked. "Later, losers." She thought about it. "Oh, and Jan?"

He perked up at the sound of his name. 

"I have a solution for finding out what went wrong that only you can do."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. When you get there, you're going to have to put your hands over something. Can you handle that?"

He nodded and pulled out a tiny notepad and a pen. Of course he did. "What can I put my hands over?"

"Your mouth so that you can shut the hell up while Z figures this shit out." She let go of the door. It slid closed on Jan's infuriated facial expression. He shoved the notepad and pen back in his utility belt. I couldn't see her face but I knew wherever she was headed, she was laughing. 

"I don't think we're going to get along." Jan shook his head. "Is she always like that?" 

"We're going to the end of the hall." I said, biting my lip to keep from reacting. I walked away from him. Though it was funny, a part of me was wondering what Toilyn was up to. "There's no way a person can remember every moment in time. As much as we may attempt to cling to our memories, over time they become cloudy or we could remember the details incorrectly altogether. Because of this, Luminous built this place." I explained as I pushed thoughts of Toilyn to the back of my mind. I would deal with her later. "Every moment in time, be it great or small, is listed somewhere in this place. What we're looking for is…" I led him past a few agents. Slowly, almost comically so, each head turned to study Jan. One of these things is not like the other, I thought. I waited for one of them to say something but instead, they started whispering and one even flat out pointed.

"Um, Z? That's your name, right? Z?" 

"Yes." I replied just as the baby goggles who dared to point tapped me on the shoulder. "Baby goggles" was yet another one of Toilyn's terms. This one designated for agents who hadn't touched that sweet, sweet five year line just yet. His goggles were freshly shined, a sign of a new agent, but now that we were eye level, I could see the wear and the tell tale signs of age on the lenses. 
I whirled on him. He backed up three paces before gesturing at Jan. Every eye, including ones that weren't paying attention before, paused on us. "What is he doing here?" He asked, though it came off as more of a demand. "Do you even know who he is?" So not baby goggles.

"This is Jan." 

"Oh, is that what he told you?" Yup, definitely not baby goggles. He had to be some sort of higher up. It was as if the agents who grabbed both Jan's arms had appeared out of thin air. He tried to jerk himself out of reach but to no avail. 

"Tell her." The agent said, his voice drenched in the kind of warning you probably didn't want to get on the bad side of. My attention fell on the insignia pinned to his lapel. I'd seen that golden flame enough to know what I was looking at. He really was a higher up. "Tell her."

He and Toy would get along great. Aloud, "Tell me what?"

"This is the guy who messed with my remote." Jan nodded at the agent. "Nice to see you again, Bateman." The agent, Bateman, signaled the other agents to release Jan. "I see you're still as friendly as ever."

"So you're the Jan." The agent who had released the shoulder Jan was now rubbing said. "I've heard a lot about you. Somehow I imagined you taller and not as… " His eyes studied Jan's lithe frame. "Thin."

"Same." The other agent agreed. "How did you con her into bringing you here?"

"I didn't." Jan shrugged. "Apparently I made the assignment list."

"How did you mess up the timeline this time?" Bateman all but shouted. He looked as if he was just waiting for an excuse to jump on Jan.

Oh yeah, he and Toy would get along just fine. Aloud, "We aren't sure yet." 

All three agents looked as if every fiber of their being was put into play to keep them from laughing in my face. "I brought him here to get a lead on a hunch I have." I said, ignoring their expressions. I'd seen that look so many times. I was numb to it now. I swallowed the mean remark that was festering on my tongue. "My goggles only told me what went wrong. They didn't list the cause."

"Sounds like Rurick is doing the assignments again." The right side agent said. "Last week she sent me to 1776 and didn't bother to send where in that year I was needed. I thought I was going to make sure the Declaration Of Independence went off without a hitch. Not even close." He laughed. "I didn't even get to meet Jefferson. None of them."

"You could always just go approach him yourself, you know." The other agent pointed out. 

"I never do that." He replied. In what I'm sure was an attempt to project the image of a good little field agent in front of Bateman, he glanced at me. "Do you?"

Yes. Do you always fling your coworkers under the bus? I shifted my weight from one boot to the other. "Not for fun." To Bateman I said: "We won't be here long and if I find out I'm wrong, I'll return him to where I found him." Hastily I added a faint "Sir." 

"He won't be needing an escort. Will you, Jan?" 

"No." Jan mumbled. 

I grabbed his arm to drag him away from the interrogation. Even with our backs turned, I could feel six pairs of eyes practically carving a path up our spines. When we reached the door, I shoved Jan ahead of me. He stumbled. Before he could fully react, again, his mouth was hanging open in awe.

Instead of books, the walls were lined with screens. Beneath each one was a metal bar, projecting which decade it was tasked with. I'd never been inside the library before the makeover but I could only imagine what it looked like with row upon row of bookshelves instead of screens.

As she was placing a book back on a shelf (What? I'm guessing you thought I was about to say there wasn't a single book in the entire building. Well, you would be wrong.), Juniper, our resident head librarian, noticed us.

A moment or two on Juniper. Juniper had been sixteen years old for going on a thousand years, or maybe more. None of us had any idea and from the image she projected, neither did she. Despite being one of the youngest faces in the building, she was actually one of the oldest. Though Luminous refused to recruit an agent before the age of twenty one, Juniper was a special case. Over the years, she allowed a few details to slip but for the most part, what I gathered was, without her, there would be no Luminous. Something about her paved the foundation that Luminous was built on. No one knew her original timeline or how she came to be. What I did know was she knew everything about… Well, just about everything. Her eyes, a ghastly solid white, were now pointed at us. It was a jarring experience at first but over time, it became a natural part of the library experience. Her purplish turquoise hair brushed across bare, silvery white shoulders. 

"Hello!" Jan shouted suddenly. "I'm Jan!" 

I didn't have a chance to warn him. Not surprisingly, he automatically assumed she was blind. It was a common misconception.

"Humor me, why would you shout at a blind person?" Juniper said. "If I couldn't see, would the bellowing of your vocal cords blast the gift of vision through me?"

"You can see?" Jan said, blushing. 

"It's a good thing too. I can see your obvious ignorance from way over here. Best you not move in case it's contagious." She nodded at me. "Long time, Z." She tilted her head slowly to the right of me. "Curious. Where's Toilyn?"

I shrugged. "No idea."

Juniper chuckled. "Quite the busy body, that one. So what's on the menu today?" 

"November 1999. I need to sort through the entire month." 

"Follow me." She abandoned the stack of books to shuffle through Jan and I. We waited a few seconds before following. She didn't have to pause in front of the metal plaques. "I just moved the 90's to the back." Juniper was saying. "I'm hoping to have this place up to standard in a few weeks. Things got moved around during…" She glanced at Jan. "... Well, you know."

I did know. For the first time in the decades since the doors had opened, the library had suffered a perimeter breach. Noir had managed to hack our security system and because of how the computers were set up, all our information was compromised. Juniper managed to stop them before they could do any real damage but it changed her. The running gag was that she was a part of that library. From that day forward, it was no longer a joking matter. Now it was a fact. Though she never stated as much, it was obvious that she took the breach personally. 

"Alright. The screen on the very end plays the year 1999." She gestured at Jan. "Make sure this one doesn't touch anything." She started to walk away, thought about it, and added: "If you need me, I'll be up front."

"I'm guessing she's not a fan of mine either." Jan said, watching Juniper. He waited until she was out of earshot before stating this though. 

"You won't be making friends around here if that's what you mean." I started towards the computer she'd pointed us to. "You're not supposed to be here. I only brought you in case we were right about you."

"So you don't like me either?"

"You know what it is that I don't like?" I pulled the chair out. "People like Noir… People like you… You gain so much knowledge through time travel then you mess things up with reckless abandon."

As I was typing, he poked his nose across my shoulder: "So you've never messed with the timeline?"

"Yes and I pay for that decision almost everyday." I admitted. 

"What did you do? Cause an earthquake?"

I held up my arm to show him my bracelet. "The day they gave me this was the day I learned what Luminous is really all about. I was naive. I only joined because I thought I would be able to bring…" I hesitated. "There was somebody I wanted to bring back. It took a lot of ground work on my part but eventually, I was able to get her back." I squeezed my eyes shut to keep the pain at bay. "Only it wasn't her. The day she opened her eyes was the day I learned why we protect the timeline."

"So what? She clawed out of her casket and attacked you?"

I pushed him away. "She wasn't a zombie."

For all the memories a mind chose to part ways with, there would never come a moment in time where mine would see fit to forget what it was like to bring Brie back. Nor would it erase the pain of having to let her go again. 

I cleared my throat. "Do you want to know or not?"

He went to grab a chair. He spun it backwards and perched his head over the back of it. 

"I'm listening."

"Before I start, just know when I got my bracelet, I thought I was going to be the first to outsmart Luminous. I thought I knew it all. I was so sure." I sighed. "I only fought for this job because I thought everything in my life would be fixed if she had never died."

"What was she? Like, your sister?"

I closed my eyes. "She was my world."

“Hello… Hello?" A hand waved in front of my face, breaking my concentration. "Earth to Z…”

“Nope. You will not.” 

“Oh, come on.”

I swung my attention to the left of me. A tattered piece of fabric, which I was certain began its life as a white tee shirt full of hopes and dreams of a productive life was going over the head of Toilyn, my best friend. She tugged at the brownish, grayish, slightly white fabric. “I don’t have an assignment today. You don’t have an assignment… I think. Do you?” Her voice was a hair above the sound of whining. “It’s 1967. Don’t you want to see what’s out there?”

I groaned. “I swear, the only thing I remember happening this year was interracial marriage became legal. What do you want to do? Go watch both sides protest?” To be fair, the last time I had an assignment in 1967, it was to stop a Noir agent from killing some guy whose untimely demise would have directly affected Thurgood Marshall becoming the first African American Supreme Court Justice. I chased him from 1945 and finally around 1967, he got sloppy. Luminous takes a “whatever it takes” approach to stopping Noir’s agents but they didn’t like my report on how I stopped the guy. I didn’t get hauled into headquarters but “putting a high heel through his eye” is on my record. Blood was everywhere. It was a mess. I was new to the job and didn’t know that removing a sharp object after stabbing it through something is a bad idea. Write that down. It could prove to be useful someday. 

Luminous had a clean up crew tasked with prettying up whatever messes we could possibly make but, the messier it was, the more likely it would appear on your record. They were finicky with even the tiniest specks of blood. To be fair, my mess wasn't nearly as bad as some of Toilyn's. Hers were legendary. Her record was as long as she was tall. All she heard was “Whatever it takes” and never looked back. Partners weren’t allowed in Luminous but our paths had crossed enough times in the field for us to become buddies and over time, buddies to damn near inseparable. 

"Come on, we can go throw rocks at Stonewall. That always makes you smile."

The hotel we were holed up in was a dump. Each surface was covered in almost an inch of dust. Toilyn loved it. She hated when I would get us what she deemed as "fancy housing."

"We're here for a good time." She would balk. "Not for a long time." I would always finish. 

"That's two years away." I groaned, throwing myself back on the pillows. Dust swirled around my head, sending me into a coughing fit. 

1969 wasn't my favorite year but it was my go to year for just about everything. Having a bad day? Stonewall. Having a good day? Stonewall. Got my ass handed to me? Stonewall. The sun set at just the right angle? Stonewall. 

I've hugged Marsha P. Johnson so many times that it's a shame she'll never remember me. I tended to either hug or shake hands with as many people as I could before WHACK! That first brick goes flying. Sometimes I just sat on the sidelines to watch. If I'm having a particularly bad day, I would join in. Nothing says blowing off steam like joining a riot. 

"Z… You're blinking."

"I am not." I said, pointing my eyes at the paint peeling from the wall to the right of her.

She picked up my goggles from the floor. "Um… Yes you are." She dangled them above my head so that I could see. 

I groaned. Did I mention I'm not exactly the biggest fan of my job? "1999." I read the flash from the left side and instantly bolted straight up. 

"What? Did they give you an offline?" 

I shook my head. On a mental rolodex of words that she was constantly adding to, was the term "offline". Basically, a person unassociated with Luminous or Noir. Overtime, like with most of her made up terms, it had somehow weaved its way through my vocabulary as well.

Confused, green eyes met my gaze. She dropped the goggles in my lap. "Then what? What could be more annoying than following around some offline?"

What I was looking at had nothing to do a simple babysitting job. "What's the one thing you remember the most about 1999?"

She tilted her head in thought. I almost smacked my forehead. She had to be kidding me! 

"Y2K… Toy. Y2K, remember? Everybody thought the world was going to end. How could you forget that? There were even people who thought when the clock struck midnight, the computers were going to rise up and take over."

"I remember now." She nodded. 

"Holy shit. Shit. SHIT." Timeline change: Coronavirus. Covid-99. I tossed the goggles back to her.

"Wait a minute. No, no, no. Covid happened in 2020 and it was called Covid-19 not 99."

"Apparently, not anymore." I ran to grab my boots. "This cannot be happening."

"The entire world was changed forever because of it… Lives were lost. There was an economic crisis. Wait. Z, wait!"

I snatched the other boot over my knee. "What?"

"How are you supposed to stop a virus by yourself?"

"I'm not. You're coming with me. Where are your shoes?"

She shrugged. "I think I left them in 1888."

"I'm not even going to ask." I shook my head. "We'll grab you a pair when we get there." 

"You know Luminous hates team ups, right?" 

Says the woman who somehow materializes on almost all of my assignments. "Since when has that ever bothered you?"

"1999, huh?" 

Exactly. I slid the goggles over my head and pushed the button on the side. "Yes Toy, 1999."